pregnancy week by week

Monday, November 30, 2009

Woo-hoo!!!

My friend got her numbers back--beta was 213! That's a doubling time of less than 44 hours, which is so completely perfect!

Yes!!!

Updates, updates

My period showed Wednesday afternoon. Because of that, there was no chance for Clomid this cycle. Not enough notice to get in on CD 1, Thanksgiving was CD 2, and we were out of town on CD 3. Oh well--hopefully it's a sign that things are going to go fine on their own. ;)

Hazen did his repeat semen analysis on Wednesday. If the results are the same or better we're going to try SMEP--the sperm meets egg plan. If it's worse, we'll keep doing every-other-day and start our IUI fund.

SMEP is basically having sex every other day. You start taking OPKs around day 10 (I'll probably wait until day 12 since the odds of me ovulating between day 10 and 12 are about zero!!) and then "baby dance" the day of the positive OPK and the two following days. After that, we'll keep it up for every-other-day until either a positive pregnancy test--FINGERS CROSSED!!--or my next period.

I'm not going to chart. It was stressing me out. I will monitor my CM and CP, and will also be taking Mucinex or Robitussin starting on day 13 to help with my fertile CM. The plan is to not take a pregnancy test until 15 days after my first positive OPK. I am going to get the 20 pack of Answer dip strip OPKs because those 7 packs never end up being enough for me. The catch with those is that you have to use the entire pack within 30 days of opening the package. So I will use them up even after I know I've ovulated. I had positive OPKs the same day I got a positive digital with Ian, so it will be my way of testing without actually testing. I'm so sneaky. ;)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Still waiting on the witch

But I'm pretty sure she'll be here today. Temp was down another .2 degrees and I'm feeling pretty crampy and nauseas. I'll just be happy to see the end of this cycle and get on to the next one. Fertility Friend has changed my crosshairs FOUR TIMES this cycle. Started on Day 11 (which I didn't believe), then to Day 19 (that seemed more realistic), then yesterday it went to Day 23, and then today moved it to Day 21. So I am between 12 and 24dpo. I'm ready to just move on. ;)

Well, there was talk that maybe I could do the Clomid before the repeat S/A. But since I have to have an ultrasound between day 1 and 3, it's not going to happen. I expect my wonderful period to start today, but since it hasn't yet, it's likely it will start too late to get in for an ultrasound today. Tomorrow is a holiday, and day 3 will be spent 100 miles away at my dad's. So, no ultrasound means no Clomid. Which is okay. Our original plan was to wait until the new year, so we'll just stick with that plan. I'm hoping my charts have enough info in them that the Air Force won't give me a hard time when it comes to making appointments and getting treatment and all that. If we get Malmstrom I suspect it will be easier. They were great about getting us in within a couple of days when Ian and I moved up here while Hazen was deployed. Nellis was bad...they wanted me to wait three weeks to get an ultrasound when I had already been bleeding for 6 weeks (I had the first post partum period from Hell...). So it all depends on the base how quickly things will go...come on Malmstrom!

I'm in a much better mood today. I let myself get too hopeful this last cycle, so the "no" was a little harder than usual to take. That's okay. I've learned from it, I won't make that mistake again! I'm thinking I won't even chart this next cycle. Just go with the flow and see what happens. It sounds relaxing. ;)

Monday, November 23, 2009

No Clomid

They want us to do a repeat semen analysis before we can do the Clomid. Hazen had already planned to do that this Wednesday, but since we have to wait on the results and I am 14dpo...there is no way I can start it this next cycle. They also want me to come in for an ultrasound between days 1 and 3 before I can start the Clomid to make sure everything looks good. The plus side is that I am 14dpo...my luteal phase has been averaging 10 to 12 days, and this is two cycles in a row of at least 13 days. Not bad!

Waiting for Clomid sucks for a couple of reasons. The main one is that we should have orders within the next couple of weeks. Which means we're moving and I won't have my doctor anymore. Which means I'll likely be at the mercy of military doctors and have to start everything FROM THE BEGINNING. I will have to see my primary care doctor and get a referral to an OB or RE. I will possibly have to do more testing despite the fact that I've already had it done. Since everything has to be done on specific cycle days, the testing alone can put us back a couple of cycles (and this is after we wait for our referral). So if we can even start Clomid before the 6 month mark that endo "generally" starts to come back, it will be amazing. And then of course it sucks because this is a decision we've been struggling with and we've finally made it and now we get to wait.

Oh well. All we can do is keep trying. ;)

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Tough week

I tested on Friday--Big Fat Negative. Sigh. I was only 11dpo, and I know that's early and there is a chance I could still get a positive this cycle (as long as I don't have my period there is a chance) but I'm really not feeling it anymore. I'm 13dpo right now and thought I would re-test today, but I don't think I will. I have no real desire to do so. Plus, my temp has been down a little the last two days (not a lot--from 98.8 to 98.6) but I'm really crampy and my boobs are starting to hurt--sure signs that af is on the way. I think I will test again on Tuesday if my period doesn't start by then. But my luteal phase is normally 12 days, so I expect it to be here today or tomorrow. Hopefully she's at least nice to me this month. Last month was bad.

So, we've decided to do Clomid. I'm going to call tomorrow to get the prescription called in and find out what kind of monitoring I'll be under, if any. I don't think my doctor monitors for the first couple of cycles. I'm pretty sure he'll just have me do 50mg days 3-7 and then if I don't get pregnant, we'll bump it up to 100mg the next cycle (that seems to be the standard). After that, we might start monitoring to see what the ol' ovaries are up to during the cycle. The crappy thing with endo is that it's possible that Clomid can make it grow back faster. I have a mild case, so hopefully it's not a problem.

I think I've figured out why I keep putting off the Clomid. He told me in July he would call it in, but because of the blocked tube, there was no way to be sure of the results. So I decided to wait to have the tube fixed. Then, in September, we got the tube fixed, the endo diagnosed and cauterized, and felt so optimistic. The plan was to wait until 2010 to go for the Clomid. But now? the real reason I'm putting it off until 2010 is that I'm afraid it won't work. If it doesn't work, then what? Then we try IUI. What if that doesn't work? IVF? We've already decided that's further than we want to go. So it's scary. It's like we're checking off things that don't work. And the more we check off, the less we have left. So yes, I haven't started Clomid yet because I'm afraid of it.

Hazen has been confident this entire 19 (almost 20!!!) months. He keeps telling me not to worry so much about it, that it will happen. This cycle, I felt so sure it was "it" that I blabbed it to him. So when I tested, we were both crushed. For the first time, he was willing to talk about it, and he's scared, too. I feel bad for dragging him into my madness. Yesterday he asked me how much infertility Tricare (military insurance) covers. I asked him if he was starting to worry that we weren't going to be able to get pregnant and he said "I don't know. Maybe". So my rock is starting to crumble, and I'm partially to blame. Sucks.

And I was just saying that I'm too "new" in the infertility thing to fit in there and too far into it to fit in with the normal "FINALLY after four months I'm pregnant!!" girls (yes, they say that...finally. Psssh). But we're heading into month 20 in a week. I'm starting to fit more into the infertility group than I wanted to.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Update to the possible "symptoms"

Yesterday I had extreme heartburn after lunch. I never get heartburn. We still have the same TUMS in the cupboard from the end of my pregnancy with Ian (when I actually did get heartburn...we should probably toss those). Probably nothing, but I'd like to note it in case it is something.

Today I'm starving. Although when pregnant with Ian I had NO appetite in the beginning. So we'll see what that means.

Testing tonight...very nervous.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Realized I have a tiny dilemma...

When/if I finally get pregnant, we don't plan to make the big announcement until 12 weeks (although if it happens this month, I may cave around Christmas). So I'm not really sure how to handle it on my blog. Since I'm pretty sure I only have a couple of readers, I think I might block this and "invite" people to read it. I thought about just not posting anymore, but that would give me away. Hmm.

BTW, I didn't test yesterday. I'm going to test tomorrow evening (11dpo). My temp is still WAY UP and I'm still feeling funky. i had another weird dream last night, so I hope it means something. The cramping at this point makes me uneasy, though. At 2dpo, it was kind of exciting; at 10dpo, it makes me think my cycle is coming to an end. Sigh.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Oh goodness, I am a mess

I try not to be that person that obsesses during the 2ww. But it is all I can think about right now. I don't know why, I just have a really good feeling. I've had good feelings in the past, but this is a really strong good feeling. To the point that I want to test. At 9dpo.

I can't think of anything else. I'm just staring at the clock waiting for noon to come around. I plan to buy a test during my break this afternoon to use at 4pm. I'm so early, it's really unlikely I'd get a positive. But my chart is starting to go triphasic. Which it's never done.

Oh me, oh my. This has been a long 2ww. I thought I was 8 days further than I am until two days ago. I am now 17 days into what I thought was my 2ww, so not testing at this point is HARD.

I'm losing my mind. Completely and totally losing it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Getting Hopeful

I'm really feeling optimistic about this cycle. I was pretty down for awhile, but I feel really good and hopeful now. I hope I'm not setting myself up for disappointment!

Fertility friend, the charting software that I use, put my ovulation date at day 11. I tried soy isoflavones for the fourth time, but the first time in over a year from the last time I tried it. My past experience was that with 160mg for 5 days in the beginning of the cycle, I would ovulate 10 days after the last dose. I took the 160mg from days 2-6 and ovulated on day...11?? Didn't seem right, but temps were up (mostly). I did have a lot of left side cramping on days 18 and 19, along with low temperatures, that made me think maybe I was just then ovulating. It was very confusing.

I started testing at 10dpo, and got negatives at 10dpo, 11dpo, 12dpo, and 14dpo. That 14dpo and no period is what really made me think that I ovulated later than I thought. Today, I would be 16dpo...no period and negative tests at 14dpo just doesn't seem right. After talking to some friends who have given soy a try (AND gotten pregnant on it!) it seems that it can really make your cycle look strange and they both had charts showing ovulation earlier than it actually happened. So that gives me hope.

So, I adjusted my o date to day 19 instead of 11. I think it looks right. And here, I am going to list my temps and my "symptoms" (at least what I hope is symptoms!!).

Symptoms (WAY TMI to follow!):
First, we bd'd (babydanced) the day of ovulation, 2 days before, and 3 days before. Not bad timing! I have also been PMSy since around day 20, so what I think was 1dpo. Cramps started around day 22, or 3dpo.

1dpo: Temp 98.5 (my average post o temp is 98.3 with one or two that vary between 98.1-98.6)
2dpo: Temp 98.4
3dpo: Temp 98.6. I woke up with a nose bleed and my my morning pee smelled stong.
4dpo: Temp 98.5
5dpo: This day doesn't count. Temp was 99.0 but I had lots of "Poor me" drinks the night before because I'd had a negative test and thought my period was coming...oops
6dpo: Temp 98.7
7dpo: Temp 98.6. A couple of vivid dreams. I woke up from an orgasm in my sleep (has only happened to me once--I was about 6 months or so pregnant with Ian), and also dreamt I had lots of positive "Internet Cheapie" pregnancy tests. Had very strong cramping all morning, probably from the middle of the night orgasm...how embarrassing!
8dpo: Temp 98.9. More vivid dreams about positive pregnancy tests, this time Answer brand. They were VERY positive despite having negatives 3 days before. There were some people I recognized there--a dear friend from a message board and a past contestant from The Biggest Loser.

So...here's hoping!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Well, surprise, surprise

14dpo and a negative pregnancy test. Seriously wish my period would just show so I could move on to the next cycle (and so I could stop PMSing!).

My cycle is playing with me

My temp is still way up. I am now 14dpo. My normal luteal phase length is 10-12 days, though last cycle was 13. I had a negative test at 12dpo, and at that point pretty much decided there is no way I am pregnant. My cervix was partially open that day, too, which happens a day or two before my period arrives. However, it went back to being firm and closed yesterday, which is very confusing. I've been having cramps since 12dpo that feel like my period is starting. It concerns me a little bit because the constant cramping was one of my endometriosis symptoms. I'm getting paranoid that the endo is coming back already, but it shouldn't be. Not this quickly. I really don't want to have another surgery any time soon.

So now I'm sitting here playing the maybe game with myself, which is so ridiculous. I can't be pregnant. I just can't be. There are too many signs saying that my period is coming. But the fact that it's a day late and my temperatures are so high (98.7 this morning and 99.1 last night before bed!) makes me wonder.

And then part of me kind of hopes I'm not because I'll feel like a slimeball. We got some yummy drinks to try on Friday night and I had a few too many (oops...yummy shots are a bad idea). My temp on Saturday was 99.0, but I credit that to the alcohol (again, oops) and discarded it.

Sigh. I should just take my last test and get it over with. But I kind of like this hope I have going on, and odds are that will end as soon as I pee on that last test...ugh.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

And temp is back up...

So I'm thouroghly confused now. My temp has shot back up to 98.5 today, but I had absolutely no fertile signs yesterday.

So, my new theory is this (it's a good one, lol):

Saturday night/Sunday morning I was up until 4:30am (Monopoly tournament...ugh). I temp between 6:30 and 7:00. That morning, I temped at 7:20, less than three hours after I went to bed--temp was 97.8. I temped again 2 hours later and it was 98.3. I used the first temp since it was closest to my normal temping time BUT now I'm wondering if I should have used the second temp since it was taken after almost 5 hours of sleep instead of 3. Hmm.

Yesterday, Monday, temp was 97.9. Still very low BUT if my temp on Sunday should have been higher (98.something) then I could look at it with optimism and think "Hmm...implantation dip?".

Temp being waaaay up today with no fertile signs yesterday makes me think I did o on CD 11 like my chart shows. I'm hoping to wait until tomorrow to test. I will be 10dpo, when I got my positive digi with Ian, and I will see if my temp stays up and gives credibility to my new theory.

I hope I've ovulated. I was so disappointed yesterday.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sigh

I'm very annoyed. My chart is disgusting looking all of a sudden. I went from a 98.6 temp on Saturday to 97.8 on Sunday. Today is 97.9. I'm starting to think I didn't ovulate at all, unfortunately. I'm only 8dpo, so it's too early for it to be a pre-period temp drop. But an "implantation dip" generally only lasts one day. My cervix is still totally closed and i have no CM. So I'm feeling pretty bummed and like I'm "out" this cycle. Sucks.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Thinking maybe I did o

My temp is still up. Very weird. My CP is still closed and my CM is non-existent. I'm still skeptical, of course. I took the soy with the "hope" of an earlier o, but to me that meant day 16 (today). That is what I expected, NOT day 11. So I'll keep watching and waiting, but there is a definite temp shift. Weird, weird, weird.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Daylight savings? Not impressed

It's very hard to chart during this whole daylight savings thing. I normally take my temp between 6:30 and 7. On Sunday, I temped at 6 to attempt to make up for the time change--temp was 98.0, a pre-o temp for me. Monday, I temped at 6 again--temp was 98.3! Today, temped at 6:15--98.3 again, and also at 7--98.5. I used the 6:15 temp, but was curious what my "normal" time temp would look like since I passed out right away after temping at 6:15.

So, there could be a couple of things happening. I may have ovulated VERY early--CD 11, to be exact. Or Daylight Savings could really be messing with me. I did take soy from days 2-6 this cycle, and in the past I have ovulated 10 days after my last dose. Based on that information, I was expecting to ovulate on Friday of this week, not on Sunday.

Guess I'll wait and see what happens over the next couple of days. I'm taking Evening Primrose Oil to help with my CM, but you're not supposed to take it after ovulation. I'll go ahead and stop taking it just in case, but I am extremely doubtful that I have already ovulated.