Mommy Guilt and WEIGHT GAIN!

I feel GUILTY for having another baby. Like this is going to take away from Ian and effect him in some catastrophic way. I know it's ridiculous to think that way...I have my little brother who is one of my best friends (now, lol) and three stepsisters that I adore. Siblings are wonderful and make life full and fun. BUT Ian was my one and only for four years...four and a half by the time baby arrives. It just seems like the longer the gap between children, the harder it would be on them. He will always remember a time when it was just him...I don't remember that. I was only 18 months old when my brother was born. And we spent two years trying for this baby, two years that I spent not knowing if it was going to happen. I appreciated Ian more in those two years, and I clung to him knowing he might very well be my only child.

I'm excited for this baby, of course I am. I really can't wait to be a mommy of two. But I can't help but worry about how Ian is going to handle it all. I've talked to my other mommy of two friends and they all say this is normal, and it will go away once the baby is here--everything will work itself out. And, logically, I know that's true. But the guilt is still here, and probably will be until this little one is born and fits into our family the way that Ian instantly did.

In "better" news, my weight gain has picked up! My belly doesn't seem any bigger (I actually think I shrunk a bit this week!) but the scale is really moving now--thank you Thanksgiving! I am now up about 8 pounds, which is a difference of four pounds from last week--woo-hoo!

I don't know why I'm allowing myself to worry about this. My weight gain followed this EXACT pattern when I was pregnant with Ian. The first half was spent in the negatives/very low positives. Then, at about 24 weeks, it really picked up. I am fully expecting that to happen now, but when I get emails saying "average weight gain at this point is 10-15 pounds" and I'm pushing four...well, it makes you feel a little like you're starving your baby or something!

I've been worried about getting "yelled at" at my next appointment (Thursday). I spent a large chunk of my pregnancy with Ian being told I needed to gain more until I got to the end and had a different doctor tell me I had the best weight gain he had seen in a long time. I'm supposed to gain 25-35lbs...I gained exactly 30 with Ian. So I know odds are my gain will be fine this time around, too. And I haven't been "yelled at" yet about it, so I'm probably worrying over nothing. But I do have the least gain in my March due date club, which is surprising and doesn't help my worry. Maybe I should just consider myself more disciplined than the others with my eating? I'm not gaining too little, everyone else is gaining too much. I think I'll go with that. ;)

Lazy Monday

First, some pics of the belly: 22 weeks and 3 days!





Not really liking how visible my stretchmark from Ian is getting BUT I know I'm lucky to have only one from him and to have not gotten anymore (yet) this time around. Gotta keep it positive. ;)

Things are going well. I've been having lots of growing pains in my hips and abdomen, so I'm sure my 24 week pictures will show some growth. I can always tell when I'm about to pop out a little bit more!

I'm anxious waiting for the ultrasound--only 9 days left! I know with Thanksgiving and the holiday weekend it will fly by. Thank goodness.

My entire diaper plan has gone out the window. I get so excited that I go loony and THEN do my research and change my mind. I should learn to research first and THEN post. ;) I think we're going to stick with prefolds and fitteds as our primary diapers, and then use the pockets for night and out-and-abouts. Of course I don't know for sure what I plan to do, so I'm just ordering a bit of everything. I've got my newborn diapers ready to order, just waiting until the next payday. I'll post pics once I get my first "stash"--I'm so excited to get them and play with them! I have my 10-15lb diapers ready to go, too, with a bit more variety than the newborns, but am waiting until after our move to order those. The less I have to try and stuff in my car, the better.

So things are good. On one hand I'm really enjoying being pregnant--I love growing and feeling kicks and this stage right now where I feel great. But I'm also already getting very excited to meet my newest baby...only 18ish weeks to go!

Edit to the diaper post

I got excited and said I was going to use a different type of BumGenius than I am (there is a difference!). I won't be using the AIOs, I'll be using the pocket type that has a liner stuffed into it. I'm eyeing the 4.0s because my beloved Target sells them online, and they are available with both snaps and velcro. I've been quite conflicted on whether to go with snaps or velcro. I've read that the velcro will wear out eventually and need to be replaced. You would assume that would be an easy fix, but I am not very handy with the needle and thread. Snaps last longer. Velcro is also a problem because older babies can easily undo it, but I wonder if it's much different than babies being able to undo their disposable diapers? Hmm. I've been told, though, that velcro is easier to deal with, especially during the middle of the night changings. SO I think I'm going to try some with Velcro and some with Snaps and see what I think.

Cloth Diapers

We've decided to use cloth for this little one, so I've been doing as much research as I can. I go to all sorts of websites, I price them, I look at them, I fantasize about how cute they'll look on a newborn bottom...they are much more fun than disposables!

I've been very back and forth on what diapers to use, and I suppose over time I'll try them all. Right now I'm leaning towards prefolds/covers for the first few weeks, and then one size all-in-one Bum Genius' after that. But I don't know. I may try some other options, too. The prefolds just seem to be the easiest choice for a tiny newborn, PLUS those can be used as doublers in bigger diapers later. The AIOs (all-in-ones) seem to be the least "scary" when it comes to converting my husband, and the rest of the family, to my I-wanna-cloth-diaper ways. They're seriously like using a disposable--snap 'em on, take 'em off, throw them in the pail and Mom will deal with the stinkies...nobody's life is gonna change.

I think my excitement in this is because it's "new". I did all the "new" stuff with Ian...tiny clothes, learning to breastfeed, learning to bathe, getting over the fear of breaking the itsy-bitsy person I was holding, etc. There is nothing "new" about the second baby, not really. I'm not nervous about the things that scared me before, I know that as hard as the first weeks (months...) are, we'll get through them and my precious newborn will be a 4-year-old before I even realize what happened. But cloth diapers...those are new. And kinda scary. And they give me something to research and figure out and fall in love with. So they're exciting.

I'm planning on getting almost completely neutral colors, but I'm sure some pink or blue will find it's way in there once we find out what this baby is...13 days to go!

Two weeks, two weeks

Until the big ultrasound! I cannot wait...I am nearly 22 weeks now, and it is so strange to not know what we're having. I'm still pretty set on a girl, but it could very well be a boy. I'm totally thrilled with either--I just can't wait to know and get a name and some special items picked out for this little one. :)

The honeymoon is officially here, which is great. I feel good, the belly is growing, the baby is moving. I'm still only up 4 pounds which is starting to annoy me. Based on my weight gain with Ian, this is totally normal and the pounds will pack on in the third trimester (I gained 21 of the 30 pounds gained with him between weeks 24 and 39), but it's frustrating to not have that scale move. I've added more high calorie 100% juices and things like chocolate milk to my tons and tons of water in an effort to gain a little weight. I'm also not being conservative with the mayo on my cheese sandwiches. So I guess there are perks to being a slow gainer...I can have all the wonderful, fatty, high calorie foods I want without worrying too much about it. ;)

20 weeks--halfway!!

Not much to say beyond that. Just really excited to hit the 20-week mark. In 4 weeks, I will hit the age of viability. I really can't wait to reach that milestone. :)

Thought I should add some pics of the belly. And, for comparison, a pic of 20 weeks with Ian.





With Ian:

Ultrasound scheduled

For December 1 at 10pm. Yes, a month from now in the middle of the night. Going to see about the possibility of a referral...I'm kind of pissed.

16-20 week appointment--19w4d

Finally had my 16-20 week appointment today. It was two days shy of 8 weeks since my last appointment!

Baby's heartbeat was only 130, so pretty low (normal range, but low...Ian's was in the 150s and this one's was 160 at 12 weeks). So now I'm really curious to find out what we're having. I know the HR isn't a reliable indicator at all, but that would definitely scream BOY! if it were!

I got my order in for my ultrasound, but when I called I was told that radiology has to review the order first and I can call back tomorrow after 1:30 to schedule. I want to schedule it NOW. I am pretty sure I am the only one in my March due date club who has not had her ultrasound yet. I knew I'd be one of the last being due on the 25th, but seriously the APRIL girls are having theirs before I do. Sheesh. :p

Other than that, not much to report. I have to go to the lab in the next day or two and pee in a cup, which is always fun. Also need to get in for my flu shot...I hate shots. I skipped it last year, but with being pregnant and with all the strange illnesses Ian brought home in the month of October (Croup, pneumonia, strep, pink eye) I'm thinking I should probably get it this time.

Will update when I get my ultrasound date...can't wait!