Mommy Guilt and WEIGHT GAIN!

I feel GUILTY for having another baby. Like this is going to take away from Ian and effect him in some catastrophic way. I know it's ridiculous to think that way...I have my little brother who is one of my best friends (now, lol) and three stepsisters that I adore. Siblings are wonderful and make life full and fun. BUT Ian was my one and only for four years...four and a half by the time baby arrives. It just seems like the longer the gap between children, the harder it would be on them. He will always remember a time when it was just him...I don't remember that. I was only 18 months old when my brother was born. And we spent two years trying for this baby, two years that I spent not knowing if it was going to happen. I appreciated Ian more in those two years, and I clung to him knowing he might very well be my only child.

I'm excited for this baby, of course I am. I really can't wait to be a mommy of two. But I can't help but worry about how Ian is going to handle it all. I've talked to my other mommy of two friends and they all say this is normal, and it will go away once the baby is here--everything will work itself out. And, logically, I know that's true. But the guilt is still here, and probably will be until this little one is born and fits into our family the way that Ian instantly did.

In "better" news, my weight gain has picked up! My belly doesn't seem any bigger (I actually think I shrunk a bit this week!) but the scale is really moving now--thank you Thanksgiving! I am now up about 8 pounds, which is a difference of four pounds from last week--woo-hoo!

I don't know why I'm allowing myself to worry about this. My weight gain followed this EXACT pattern when I was pregnant with Ian. The first half was spent in the negatives/very low positives. Then, at about 24 weeks, it really picked up. I am fully expecting that to happen now, but when I get emails saying "average weight gain at this point is 10-15 pounds" and I'm pushing four...well, it makes you feel a little like you're starving your baby or something!

I've been worried about getting "yelled at" at my next appointment (Thursday). I spent a large chunk of my pregnancy with Ian being told I needed to gain more until I got to the end and had a different doctor tell me I had the best weight gain he had seen in a long time. I'm supposed to gain 25-35lbs...I gained exactly 30 with Ian. So I know odds are my gain will be fine this time around, too. And I haven't been "yelled at" yet about it, so I'm probably worrying over nothing. But I do have the least gain in my March due date club, which is surprising and doesn't help my worry. Maybe I should just consider myself more disciplined than the others with my eating? I'm not gaining too little, everyone else is gaining too much. I think I'll go with that. ;)