National Infertility Awareness Week

National Infertility Awareness Week runs through tomorrow, May 1. I've decided against posting this to Facebook or anywhere public because I really prefer to not make people uncomfortable and because admitting infertility has a way of bringing forward lots of "helpful" comments ("just relax" "it will happen when it's supposed to" "feel fortunate you have one child" "I wish I couldn't get pregnant!" to name a few).

So, it's a special week for me, but I'll just let myself and my couple of readers know that it exists. Because I don't want helpful comments and I really don't want to feel like my infertility matters less because I already have a kiddo (let's ignore the 28 months it took to get pregnant with him). It still sucks, for some of the same reasons and for some different ones than those without any children experience. So I'll celebrate my week...quietly. ;)

5 DPO...still haven't tested (go me!)

You would think that there would be no urge to test at 5dpo (or 2 or 3 or 4) but you would be wrong. I ordered far too many tests the cycle I got pregnant with Ian, and started using them at 2dpo, the started showing liiiiiiight maaaaaaaybe positives at 7dpo, and I was out by 9dpo. At 10dpo I pulled out the big guns (digitals) and got my positive on those and a positive blood test.

So, I have two internet tests. I am waiting until 10dpo, Monday, to use one. I figure it will be easy to get through the next few days since I'm so busy trying to finish my house (today, the computer room!). Then we have the weekend, and Hazen will be here. He lets me know I'm crazy, so I prefer to test without him around. ;) Then there is Monday, 10dpo. I will test in the afternoon since my tests looked much nicer then with Ian. If I see something, I will go to the store and get a better test. If I see nothing, I will wait until Wednesday to test again. Period is due around Thursday.

I should be able to stick to this. I hope. For some reason I have a "feeling" this cycle, but that might just be because we did everything right. I've had "feelings" before that meant nothing, so I'm going to try and ignore it and wait until Monday anyway.

Ovulation confirmed!

I am now 3dpo. I only have two internet test strips, so I'm going to try VERY HARD to be good and not test until next week. Fingers crossed!!

No temp rise

Really thought yesterday was going to be o day, but apparently not. My temp still hasn't gone up. I have hope that my temp will rise tomorrow. I'm just afraid of us getting worn out and missing an optimal day. I know I shouldn't worry too much about it, we have our bases pretty well covered, but I want ALL our bases covered. Next cycle will probably be another "break" cycle. I have to take those every-so-often or I get crazy. :p

Another beautiful OPK!

I just had to share. Positive OPKs make me happy. :)

Today I'm having serious cramping. I feel like my period is coming, but seeing as I'm just now ovulating that's obviously impossible. Maybe it's my first experience with o pain? All I can do is hope that it's a good sign!

Woo-hoo!

Positive OPK!!! It never fails--if I complain, I will look like a dummy. ;)

It might be a haaaaair lighter than the control line, but I took it two hours earlier than I normally do and with more fluids than I like to have before using one. Based on my previous cycles with OPKs, I should have another positive tomorrow and ovulate tomorrow. Yeah! :)

Cycle Day 21

And I am still waiting to ovulate. I get so annoyed at having long cycles. I still haven't made my appointment with my PCM either...I really need to get on that. It's hard to schedule these appointments. I don't want an annual to interfere with my ovulating (that goo they use is not very TTC friendly!) and I also don't ever know exactly when to expect my period. It really stinks to get it scheduled and have to call and re-schedule! Oh well.

My OPKs are still as negative as negative gets. My CM and CP are starting to do more exciting things, though, so I'm hopeful for a positive or almost positive today. I've been using the Preseed and I hope it is helping. I just hope to ovulate before I run out!

I've been thinking about trying to get pregnant with Ian a lot lately. It took 22 months of me being off birth control to get pregnant with our miscarriage. It took another 6 months of active trying to get pregnant with Ian. I feel like we are behind this time around. I know I can't compare the two, but we have been ACTIVELY trying since October 2008...that's 18 months! And there were about 5 months before that of if it happens it happens.

I know that combined Hazen and I have problems, but those problems aren't so big that we shouldn't be able to get pregnant. Granted it will take a *little* longer, but it should still happen. My tube is open, my endo is cauterized. His swimmers are lazy and the liquefaction is an issue, but none of these problems are THAT big. I don't know. I guess I'm just putting too much hope into the Preseed being our "cure". I've been putting off more invasive treatments because I just don't want to go that route. But I don't know how much longer I'm willing to go without a pregnancy either.

Ugh...if I would just ovulate I think I would feel more cheerful!

I'm baaaack!

Not much to report on the TTC front. We are still not pregnant. Still trying. That's about it!

We had a one cycle, forced break while Hazen was in Texas in January. That was kind of nice--no tests, no temperatures, just not thinking about it. In February I went to visit him the week I ovulated...no luck. I think with moving March was anovulatory. I don't have any real way to prove that since I wasn't really tracking my cycle, but my cervix didn't do what it normally does after ovulation. My period was also very light, with one full day of light flow, and four days of on and off spotting. It was weird, but also kind of helps my theory that I didn't ovulate that cycle.

THIS month, we are trying Preseed for the first time, but Hazen doesn't know it. It's a sperm friendly lubricant, the only one that is allowed to say it's safe for TTC. We are trying it because with Hazen's liquefaction and motility problems, the better my fluids, the better chance his healthy sperm have of getting where they need to go. So I'm going to use it when I start to show some fertile signs without telling my dear husband. I've heard of other husbands claiming they don't like it when they know about it, but having no complaints when they don't know it's there. Don't want to add any mind games to my poor hubby!

I'm also using OPKs and charting again, but leaving Hazen completely in the dark on those results. As of yesterday, CD 13, OPKs were negative but that is no surprise considering I don't expect to ovulate for at least another 4-7 days.

I will be making an appointment with my new PCM this month. It's time for my annual anyway, and I will ask for a referral to OB then.

So that's where we are. Just moving along...