Sooooo moody

I was the ideal pregnant person the first time. I was happy all the time, I was rarely sick, my moods were kept pretty well in check (I was more weepy, but that was over TV shows, songs, etc rather than some random thing my husband said). This time, I yell at the dog, I yell at the husband, I yell at the kid. I throw things (not at anybody, just to make a nice loud sound and get some "anger" out), I cry for no reason. I start off my day perfectly happy and then turn into some angry person that I don't even recognize. It's kind of awful!

I am really hoping this is all some nasty side-effect of the first trimester and that it will be leaving me soon. I will be 14-weeks tomorrow (a full week into the 2nd trimester--yeah!) and I seem to be feeling better. As long as I take my Unisom the night before, the nausea really isn't bad anymore (I've tried not taking it twice...both times I spent the next day vomitting. Don't think I'm ready to give it up yet!). The fatigue is so-so. It's not AS bad, but I'm still a much happier person if I get my 2-hour nap.

I know this will be worth it. I'm feeling baby every-other-day or so, and that's been a lot of fun. I was much further along before I felt Ian, so it's been an unexpected (but happy!) surprise. I'm really looking forward to the daily movements and feeling it on the outside. I can't wait for Hazen and Ian to be able to share in this, especially since I'll be nearly 20 weeks before we hear the heartbeat again. And I am really looking forward to the honeymoon stage of pregnancy. I'm excited to feel good, have some energy back, and start growing my obvious belly. :)

12 weeks, 4 days

Things are going well. Had my 12 week appointment last week (was 11 + 5), and the heartbeat was so loud and clear, I couldn't believe it. I remember Ian's heartbeat being muted and hard to pick out (plus it was hard to find), but this time she found it within seconds and it was so easy to hear. We didn't get to listen long--baby didn't like the doppler and was bumping into it and moving away, and that was making me laugh. So we got maybe 5 seconds of listen time between the baby and me being incooperative. It was beating at about 160bpm, compared to 140 at 6 weeks, 5 days.

I'm starting to feel better. Still exhausted by the end of the day, but the nausea is slowing down. Haven't thrown up in about a week, knock on wood (though it has been replaced by a very irritating headache)!

The belly is starting to pooch. I'm pretty regularly in maternity wear these days, particularly the pants. It's hard to find pants that I like, that are in my size, and that don't cost a fortune. I refuse to spend a ton of money on maternity clothes, especially since I'm saving for my cloth diaper stash. Ross has been okay, but I've only found one pair of pants there. They should get me through the second trimester (which starts Friday!!!!), but I really don't think they'll be much help once the third hits. I also got three shirts that are cute, but I think they'll also be more for the second and useless to me in the last couple of months.

I am in such disbelief that I got my sticky baby already. I mean, 26 months isn't "already" by any means, but that the first positive tests I had actually resulted in a healthy baby (jumping ahead by 6 months, I know, but at this point it really looks like I'll be bringing home a squishy newborn in March!!). Based on our first experience, I expected a miscarriage. I don't know why, I just thought that I would get pregnant, miscarry, and then a few months later get pregnant with our keeper. It's twisted and stupid, I know, but it was my expectation. And then with the spotting and all...I just really thought it was over before we really got started.

And now, for some cheerful news--I felt the baby this morning! I've been really trying and focusing on it for the last week or so, and today the beanie obliged. I can't describe it, only a mommy who has been through the early movements can understand it, but it was unmistakably baby. I can't wait until I can feel it all regularly and have a little foot or bottom sticking out of my belly in weird angles...I LOVE the huge pregnant stage and I am looking so forward to it. I'm looking forward to it ALL. :)

9 weeks, 3 days

Moving right along. The morning sickness is still terrible. I'm sitting here willing myself to not need to throw up. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't...I'm not feeling too hopeful for today. Sigh.

My belly is already poofing out. Definitely not bloat...it's here all day now. I'm shocked at how much quicker this happens the second time around! I know I've just got the look like I need to lay off the junk (which cracks me up since I've LOST four pounds!), but at least I'm closer to having an obvious baby belly. I'll have to get some pictures up soon.

My husband has been so incredible. Our marriage has gone through some major ups and downs in the last few years. It wasn't the best when I was pregnant with Ian, but I didn't realize it then. It's amazing how different it is to be at a great point in marriage during pregnancy. I couldn't see how not "great" we were then until now, if that makes any sense. I don't know how to thank Hazen enough for all he has done for me this pregnancy. He is so helpful and so patient without even being asked. I am really blessed. :)

So THIS is morning sickness...

I admit, I had it pretty easy with Ian. I was nauseas a lot, but I didn't really throw up. This time is different. At least it has gotten bad enough that I now feel like Baby is doing just fine.

I had this wonderful dinner planned for yesterday. I had the slow cooker going all day with my homemade refried beans. Big mistake. HUGE mistake. A slow cooker filled with beans, onion, garlic, and cumin when your sense of smell is like a hound dog is not smart. Not smart at all. By the time the beans were done, all happy feelings I had started my day with were gone. I was throwing up, I was disgusted, I had to clean the dishes as quickly as possible to get rid of the smell. Ugh.

Today I went to the store and bought a can of beans. No joke. Forget healthy eating...it does me no good if I can't even get it passed my lips! And the thought of my homemade ones make me nauseas, so that's not gonna happen. I even made my homemade guacamole, but it's kind of yucky. I use Hass avocados for my guac. For some reason, the store I went to just had these strange looking avocados that I would have thought were some kind of papaya or something (I don't know what a papaya looks like...these avocados are how I imagine them, though!). They're way too sweet. I don't know how to describe the tast of an avocado but "sweet" is not it.

Calling Monday if the nausea doesn't start to subside. I'm having a very hard time leaving the couch and I have a little boy with a birthday fast approaching. I need to be functional for him. I took some B6 this morning, and that seemed to help a little. The nausea is come and go rather than constant, but it's still way too frequent to make me happy. I've been eating sour candies, and those work until I swallow them. At 140 calories per 6 candies, I can't just eat those all day. Ginger Ale has the same effect...great, until my glass is empty.

Ugh...

6 weeks 5 days

And we have a heartbeat!!! 140bpm and measuring absolutely perfect. How is it possible to be so in love with something soooo tiny (crown to rump as of today: a whopping 0.83cm)??

Oh, morning sickness

It found me at 5 weeks, 6 days. The first day, Thursday, I threw up in the morning brushing my teeth. I think that's the worst. You brush your teeth to get your mouth clean and fresh, and throwing up completely destroys that. Then you're afraid to brush your teeth because it might happen again...ugh. I felt fine after that until about noon. After noon the rest of the day was downhill, and I didn't get my nap that day either. i was a nauseas, tired, grouch by bedtime. Yesterday, Friday, I felt pretty good. Again, around noon, I started to go south, but after a two hour nap I was well enough to go to a book club meeting and stay longer than planned. I was the first to cut out, though, because I was about to pass out. Then today I woke up feeling awful, but the house needs to be cleaned and the weather is VERY mild so we need to go to the park. Being pregnant when you already have a kid is much harder, I've decided. It's not like I can veg in bed because I don't feel well, or pass out whenever I want because I'm tired. I just get to suck it up. Oh well...it's worth every second. ;)

5 weeks, 3 days

I had some spotting starting last Thursday (4 weeks, 6 days). It wasn't much, there was just some orange-red colored streaking in my CM a couple of times when I went to the bathroom. Of course since I've had a miscarriage, it freaked me out a little bit. I've also had a lot of cramping, which I know is normal, but I've had some sharper cramps on the right side. My first pregnancy, the miscarriage, was a suspected ectopic. At 6 weeks, 3 days my hCG was in the low 300s and there was nothing in my uterus. Because of that, I went ahead and called yesterday.

This hospital has a reputation for NOT being good about humoring pregnant women and their fears. I guess when you mention "ectopic", though, they change their tune. They got me in that day with Dr. Elliot (I LOVE her...I think I may request her for my doctor!), and she ran bloodwork for me. My hCG was over 9000, absolutely perfect, so she gave me a quick exam and an ultrasound. I have some irritation which she thinks is probably causing the spotting, and the ultrasound revealed a 5 weeks, 4 days sac and yolk sac in my uterus. Yay! I had some fluid on the right side, so she thinks I probably had a cyst burst which caused the pain. She couldn't find my right ovary, which is something that has happened to me several times...it hides behind my uterus. I've had someone actually ask me if I have both ovaries.

I will go back next Wednesday at 6 weeks, 5 days to make ABSOLUTELY sure I only have the one baby in the right spot, we don't want anybody to be hiding in a tube (only a 1/30000 chance of that, but it does happen), and also to see my beanies heart beat. I can't wait. :)

Oh, she took pictures of the ultrasound and I totally forgot to ask for them, I was just so happy when she told me everything looked perfect. I'm hoping she stuck them in my file...I would LOVE to have them. :)