The Making of Noble Baby 2

Moving over!

2011-05-16T10:23:00.004-04:00

I originally started this blog because I didn't want to share all the TMI details of infertility on my family blog. Then I got pregnant, and it seemed like a good place to talk about the TMI details of pregnancy. But now I'm the mommy of a 4 1/2 year old and a 7 week old, and it seems very silly to have two blogs (both of which I am veeeeeery behind on!) talking about two kids. I'd rather put all our goings on in one place.

I'm not thrilled with my other blog, so I think I'm going to "start over" and create an all new one. I'll keep both of my others, and have them linked for easy access, but I feel like I need to create a new one to start it in the direction I want it to go in the first place.

So, the new blog: http://noblemommy.blogspot.com/

10 days old

2011-04-06T10:02:00.002-04:00

I will get pictures up. I will, I will, I will. Though if it doesn't happen today, it's going to be quite a while since we are losing our internet tomorrow when our packers come. Sigh.

It's been such a fast week and a half! I can't believe how much she changes everyday. She's alert for up to two hours at a time now. It's really cute and fun in the mornings...not so much at 1am. She was down to 6lbs 15oz at her 48 hour appointment, but by weighing her at home she is well over 8lbs now. It will be interesting to see what she weighs at her two-week appointment next week!

She is a champion nurser and that is ALL SHE WANTS TO DO. If she is awake, she is attached to me. And something about a diaper change gets her appetite going. Last night she was "talking" for quite awhile when she was supposed to be sleeping. She decided she didn't like the pitch dark that our room is usually in and woke every five minutes when the night light was out. Once I turned it on, she went back to sleep. I don't know why the sudden change, it hadn't been an issue before.

Cloth diapering is going really well. It's so easy and they are just so stinking cute. The only issue I've had is while out and about. I haven't figured out my system for that yet, and I end up with my hands very full and not able to fit everything back in my bag. Plus, I'm using disposable wipes when out, so remembering to toss those instead of folding them in the diaper is a challenge, too. I have wipe that needs to be picked out of some velcro right now. The packers are taking away our washer and dryer tomorrow, so I'm going to try and use a laundromat. I'm hoping it's not as challenging in reality as it feels like it will be in my head.

Teagan Ella has arrived!

2011-03-29T15:12:00.003-04:00

Our baby girl is here! Here is her birth story...pictures to follow once we get more settled!

From the time I went to bed Saturday night (March 26) I was having some painful contractions that were waking me up. I was so tired, that I just kept noticing them as more of an irritant and inconvenience and then falling right back to sleep. Around 2am, they started to get more painful and more frequent. At first I thought "What is going on?? Why won't this stop??" and then I finally woke up enough to realize I was probably in the beginnings of labor. I got out of bed so I wouldn't disturb Hazen (I was too wound to sleep once I realized what was going on anyway), and just relaxed on the computer and watching TV. In that time, I had a couple of loose BMs and realized we would probably be meeting our baby girl that day.

At that point, I decided I should try to get some sleep. Since I was hoping to go without an epidural, I knew there would be no chance to rest once labor really hit. I took a nice hot shower, and then I laid back down around 5am and managed to doze between contractions, which were about every 8 minutes at that point. Finally around 8, I decided it was time to get everyone out of bed, call our friend who was watching Ian, and start getting ready to head to the hospital. We got everyone fed (I just had some fruit, water, whole wheat toast, and a yogurt so as not to upset my stomach), loaded up the car, and headed out to drop Ian off. The contractions were about every 3-4 minutes in the car, and it was SO HARD to get comfortable during them while sitting upright.

We got to the hospital around 9:30, I was hooked up to the monitors, and right away the contractions started to slow down. They were registering as pretty powerful, but they were few and far between. The midwife came to check me then, and I was 4cm and 100% effaced. Baby was at 0 station. On Wednesday (I had an episode of "false" labor) I was checked and told I was 2cm, 50%, and at +2, so this was a definite improvement. I told her my wishes to NOT have the epidural, so she sent me on a walk for a few hours. If I'd wanted drugs, she would have admitted me then, but she wanted me to be able to get my body working the way it needed to before admitting me as an epidural-refusing patient.

Around 1pm we returned to the hospital. At that point I was 5cm, 100% effaced and was admitted. I walked the halls, found comfortable positions on the bed, and just got myself as relaxed as I could. Around 4, the contractions started to become extremely painful and more regular. The pressure when I was standing was intense, and it felt like she was about to come out. I was checked and was 7cm and -1 station. The midwife and my nurse suggested some positions to help me get the baby to come lower and put pressure on my cervix, and OH MAN did those positions put pressure on me! It was so unbearable that I couldn't do it for very long and had to half lie/half sit on the bed to get through the contractions. It slowed the contractions down, but when they came they hit HARD.

At 6 I started swearing and telling Hazen to call the nurse, I wanted the epidural. He asked me repeatedly if I was sure, then called the nurse for me. The nurse came in and also asked me several times if I was sure. I remember her saying "I don't want you to be upset about it tomorrow. You've made it so far." I told her I was sure, I just wanted it...and then I said "Well, can you check me first?", knowing I would have been very angry at myself if I got to the end and then wanted one. She agreed, but before she could the anesthesiologist came to the door. She and the midwife told him I wouldn't be needing him (they could tell by the sounds I was making that I was close). They checked me and I was still only at an 8, but I was completely losing my resolve at that point. They broke my water for me at that point, thinking that it would likely cause the baby to come very quickly. I wanted everything to stop, I didn't want to do it anymore, I was DONE. I think my midwife knew that I was doubting myself, so she had me try a few different positions, like all-fours and squatting. I felt so badly like I needed to push, but I knew it was too early. My midwife told me to push enough to get the edge off, so I did. Before long, I was screaming, and pushing, and really not myself at all. She told me I could push through the contractions, that it being my second baby my cervix didn't have to be completely dilated. When I was contracting and pushing, there was only a tiny lip of cervix left around baby's head that she could push away.

Once the pushing started, I knew I had to just do it. It hurt so much, and the infamous "ring of fire" is no joke! I was so afraid that if I stopped, that would be it. I wouldn't be able to finish. The motivation to push when there are no pain meds is amazing. It hurts so unbelievably to do it, but you logically know that the only way to get through the pain is to push through it. So even though it hurt more than anything I have ever done in my life, I pushed and I pushed until I could feel her come out. It was amazing looking down and seeing her tiny little body right there. I gave one final small push and out she came! I only pushed for 13 minutes, and Teagan Ella was born at 7:03pm (less than an hour after I started begging for my epidural) weighing 7lbs, 9oz and 20 1/2 inches long.

It turns out that the little miss was a "Full OP" meaning completely posterior aka "sunny side up". I didn't fully understand what that meant, but all of the nurses and the midwife were talking very excitedly about it and talking about how amazing it was that I did it drug free, without tearing (I had two "skid marks" but they don't even burn when I pee), and with only 13 minutes of pushing. After doing research, posterior babies tend to cause longer labors (17 hours for me), more often require Pitocin to stimulate contractions (my contractions were sometimes pretty spaced out), take longer to push out, and have more risk of tearing/episiotomy. Back labor is also suspected to be more common, which I did have. The back pain was completely cancelled out by the extreme pressure at the end, though! It made me feel better finding out that I had a difficult positioned baby. For one, I didn't think I'd ever try a natural birth again. Now, knowing that it was harder than the next probably will be (if there is a next), I may just give it another go. Also, I watched natural births online. I read stories of people's natural births. I read books. I had an image in my head of how mine would be (and how I would behave during it!) and let's just say that my birth is not probably one that should be viewed by anyone considering going without the epidural! I'm pretty sure I would have swayed several to go the other way.

She has been a fantastic nurser from only a few minutes old. Her latch is flawfless, and she is pretty easy to convince to eat. As of yet (two days) I don't have to use the mean tricks I used with Ian (cold washcloths, for one) to convince her to wake enough to eat. Sometimes she falls asleep during a feed, but she usually goes long enough that I don't worry about it and I just know that she will be ready to eat a little sooner than usual next time. It hasn't been a big deal, and the more often we nurse, the quicker my milk will come in. Going to bed last night, 24 hours after her birth, my breasts were already becoming engorged. I don't have my fully mature milk yet, but it's definitely not just colostrum anymore.

Overall, it was a great experience. It was fantastic going into labor on my own--so exciting! And it does feel really good to look back and know that my body was fully capable of delivering her without intervention or pain-relief and that, for the most part, I was mentally able to do it, too. And recovery was so easy--no waiting to walk or use the bathroom, no catheters, no bedpans, I was able to eat immediately afterwards which was great.

She looks exactly like her big brother did at birth (though a bit smaller!). It's unreal!

Aaaaand...

2011-03-26T11:03:00.001-04:00

I'm "overdue". Okay, maybe not REALLY, the average pregnancy is 38-42 weeks. But it still sucks to wake up pregnant on March 26 when you were "due" on March 25.

Oh well...just hoping she comes before Tuesday. I really don't want to schedule that induction.

40 weeks!

2011-03-25T10:16:00.003-04:00

Today is my "due date", but I don't think anyone bothered to inform the Little Miss of that fact.

I honestly still feel good. I enjoy being pregnant. Sleep sucks (but I know it's going to get worse, so I don't dwell on that!), peeing every 20 minutes sucks, rib and leg pain sucks, contractions that like to tease me suck. But overall, I really don't have it bad. Most of the pain is manageable. I can control the rib pain by leaning over my ball and rolling. The legs are fine as long as I'm sure to eat well during the day. The contractions are just getting me ready for the tough job that is coming. And there is only so much longer I get my baby completely and totally to myself.

Downsides: I wonder how big she is going to get. I haven't had any weight estimates done on her, which is fine, but her big brother was 8lbs at 39 weeks, 4 days. I feel that she is smaller, but I really don't know. And everyday is another day of growth for her (good for her, scary for mommy!). And, the most upsetting part, is that my stretchmark from Ian has started to grow and turn red. I know, I know, so what. But I enjoy my bikinis. And I made it 39 weeks without a single stretchmark (my boobs, rear, and thighs are all also unscathed...at least from this pregnancy...). So the sooner she comes out, the sooner that thing can stop it's growth.

I'm still having a hard time recognizing that I will have TWO children. Every night I give in and read "one more story" because I don't know if that will be the last night that I can cuddle with just my little man reading him his bedtime stories. I cave and go to the park more than I feel like because, again, I don't know if it's going to be the last time. Every weekend for the last few weeks I've wanted to take him somewhere because "it might be the last time as a family of three". I know we'll all adjust, and I know baby girl is going to fit into our family as seamlessly as Ian did, but knowing how much it's possible to love a little person makes it that much harder to believe that another little person can take the same amount of love from you without lessening it for the other one...if that makes sense. It's hard to be a hormonal, pregnant mommy sometimes...somedays I'm just sad and feel like I'm ruining my little boy's entire world, which I know is silly even when I think about it. Last night he helped me put away clothes for "baby sister" and he did it so happily and willingly (he put socks in with the diapers because he decided that was the best spot for them; they are still there because he was just too darn cute while he was doing it).

Soon enough the little girl will be here. And soon enough we'll all adjust and be fine.

Eventful evening

2011-03-24T08:58:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was bouncing on my ball when I suddenly started to feel a lot of pain and pressure that wasn't really letting up. I told Hazen we needed to go for a walk, so we all got ready and headed out for a short walk (I was in a bit of pain, so I cut it down from our normal 2-miler). Almost immediately, painful contractions started coming. They were starting low in my pelvis, then moving up through my entire abdomen and finishing in my back. They were right about two minutes apart and were all lasting well over a minute. We sat on a bench at the park to see if they would continue (they always stop if I change what I'm doing) and they kept right up through the sitting. We slowly made our way home, still painfully contracting every couple of minutes, and I went ahead and called our friend who will watch Ian on the big day to let her know what was going on. I decided to take a shower to see if that would stop the contractions, and it didn't. At that point, I had been feeling the pain and pressure for over two hours, so we decided to head into labor and delivery.

Between my friend's house and labor and delivery, the contractions started to space out and get less intense. I had a feeling I was going to be sent home. I got hooked up to the monitors, and I was having some strong contractions but they were far apart and getting shorter. The CNM came in to check me, and he decided that my midwife's 3cm and 80% effaced was closer to a 2cm and 50% effaced--I was sooo not happy to hear that! He was very young, so I'm sticking to my midwife's assessment...I liked hers better. :p

So I was sent home. The contractions have stopped, and now we're back to just waiting.

On the plus side, it looks like we have a place to live in Texas and we don't close on that until May 1. So we don't have to worry about being homeless and it's okay if she comes a little late because we have a little extra time to get down there anyway.

39 week appointment

2011-03-23T08:36:00.002-04:00

I had my appointment yesterday at 39 weeks, 4 days. Nothing too exciting to report--I am now 3cm and 80% effaced. Ms. S said I am progressing nicely, so that was nice to hear. I have my next appointment at 40 weeks, 4 days and we will get my induction on the books if I make it to that appointment...sigh. Ms. S says she doesn't expect to see me next week, though, so fingers crossed!

I had a lot of painful contractions after my appointment. We took a walk and they were coming every 2-3 minutes. Sitting down, they slowed to 5-6 minutes and were less painful. I had contractions all through the night, some woke me up. And this morning I woke up with a loose BM (sorry for the TMI) so I'm really hoping my body is gearing up to go into labor in the next day or two.

I'm going to spend most of the day relaxing and being careful to fill up on healthy, easy to digest foods. The kiddo and I are going to head out for a nice long walk this morning and hopefully we can get things moving along.

39 weeks

2011-03-19T09:35:00.002-04:00

The hormones are getting to me. It's been a little ridiculous. I've had random days over the last week where I just cry and cry and cry.

I haven't detailed what exactly is going on with us right now. I'm sure I've mentioned our upcoming move, but I haven't really explained it. Basically, the base we are on closed a couple of weeks ago. It has been taken over by the Army. Which means that a lot of the Air Force here no longer has jobs, including the vast majority of Hazen's squadron. So, his command wants us gone by April 15. But Baby Girl is due March 25. So making the move right after the baby is born is really stressful (we're moving 1400 miles). Plus, it's stressful if she comes by her due date...it gets much more stressful if she waits until 42 weeks (April 8!). Overall, I've been very calm about the situation, trusting that it will all work out and be fine. But this last week, I've had spurts of "WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO????". Yesterday was one such day. I feel better now, but yesterday was like the end of the world. Hormones on top of stress...not good. :p

I'm still pregnant. Obviously. The anticipation is exciting, but, because of the move, stressful. I want her to come, but I'm also not sure if I'll ever be pregnant again. And I'm really not uncomfortable, at least not too bad. Yes, I have aches and pains and I'm not sleeping well. Yes, I have a tendency to freak out from the mood swings. And yes, I'd like to be able to not pee when I sneeze. But I just feel like this pregnancy has gone SO FAST that I really haven't had time to get tired of it. Looking back, it's been a long time. But being here at the end, it just seems like I slept through it.

Tonight is the "supermoon". I'm hoping that will get this labor thing started. I don't know how much truth there is in the full moon thing, but I did discover yesterday that Ian was born on a full moon. I did have Pitocin to help him along, but I was in labor and delivery for about six hours contracting every 5-7 minutes on my own before that happened (on the 8th...full moon was the 9th). So I wonder if I would have gone into full-blown labor by the 9th if we'd waited on the Pitocin (my blood pressure was high, fluid was low, and hubby was deploying in seven days). Who knows, but it's interesting.

38 week appointment

2011-03-16T10:43:00.002-04:00

Blah. That's really about all I can say about it. Three weeks ago I was 2cm and 60% effaced. Yesterday I was 2cm and 70% effaced. Total bummer to have had all those contractions and only effaced a tiny bit more. I'm doing all the "right" things: walking, sex, EPO, and all that for a 10% increase in effacement. I'm sure the next week will be more exciting, since I'm now full term and nearing my due date, but still...it was disappointing to hear 2cm!!

I did have my membranes stripped. That stretched me out to 2.5cm, so I'm technically more than a 2 now. It also caused me to bleed and cramp, but no real contractions. We DTD last night and I'm going to Sams Club in a bit to shop and walk (it's rainy out). The sun is supposed to come out this afternoon, and if it does I'll go for another walk outside. If the membrane stripping is going to do anything, it will be within the next 24 hours or so...if it works, it will be within 48 hours.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day and hubby has been thinking it will happen then because then he can't have a beer. I've been shooting for this Saturday since that's the full moon. Fingers crossed she comes somewhere between tomorrow and Saturday--that would be fantastic!

38 1/2 weeks

2011-03-14T09:48:00.003-04:00

And I'm still (im)patiently waiting for this baby who as of three weeks ago "could come at anytime". Blah to that!

Not too much going on. The contractions are increasing and are actually getting to the point of being painful, so that is promising. I was getting a lot before that would just take my breath away or be uncomfortable, but they now start as low menstrual-like cramping and move up through my belly. I can usually walk through them (that's when they are most frequent, when I'm walking), but every so often they stop me. Of course as soon as I stop walking and lie down, they stop.

The other night (Saturday, I believe), I was getting painful contractions every 5-6 minutes for over an hour. They weren't lasting quite a minute, but they were happening so often I was getting hopeful that something was getting started...and then they stopped. Sigh. Hopefully this increase in activity is a sign that something more real will be starting soon!

37 week appointment

2011-03-09T08:02:00.003-05:00

It was pretty uneventful. I saw someone other than my regular midwife, which is alright. She was nice and all, but I really love my midwife and she knows me and remembers me when I walk in.

I didn't get a cervical check. Protocol is 38 weeks and I was just shy of that...my regular midwife tends to round up for me, so I know she would have done it (she asked if I wanted it done last week). But that's alright...it's one more week for my body to make some progress so that I hopefully won't be disappointed by hearing I'm exactly where I was the last time!

My blood pressure cooperated this week, thank goodness. I gained three pounds this week, though...I think I was just making up for not gaining anything last week! My next appointment is next Tuesday (with my midwife...yay!).

I did get a quick ultrasound to verify that Baby Girl is head down. The midwife got to witness the lump that is on my right side and couldn't figure out if it was an elbow (that would be bad...that would be breech), or a knee. I had no idea what it was either, all I know is that it's uncomfortable and makes sleeping on the right side pretty much impossible. She tried to feel for her head on the outside and just absolutely could not find it--two weeks ago, Ms. S (my regular provider) could feel it just above my pelvis. So they wheeled in the portable machine and took a super quick look. They said her head is very low in my pelvis, which makes me happy. Even if I haven't dilated or effaced anymore, this is still some progress and she is getting herself ready for the big day. That was all I got to see in the ultrasound...just a quick look for the head, the round shape appeared, and that was the end. I was hoping to get a little bit of a look at my little girl (or verify that is, in fact, a girl!), but no such luck. Oh well...we'll be able to look in person soon enough.

Things are going well. I'm sore and tiring out quickly, but that's to be expected. No new stretch marks (knock on wood!). I am getting tired of people telling me how small I am (the lady who did the ultrasound even said it! I'm measuring 37 1/2 cm at 37 1/2 weeks...I am not small, I just carry differently!!). I've actually had people ask me if Ms. S is concerned that baby will be small (no) and if my son was small at birth (8lbs even, thank you very much...and I measured about a week BEHIND with him). I'm getting annoyed.

37 (and a half-ish) weeks pregnant

2011-03-07T09:19:00.002-05:00

I'm still doing well, but starting to get to that anxious "when is it going to happen??" stage. I've been having a lot of contractions, but still nothing regular. Yesterday during church they were starting in my back and wrapping around to the front, but those fizzled after awhile. I'm pretty sure that is a sign that something "real" is starting to happen and I probably don't have too much longer until I get to meet my little girl, but I also know it can still be a few days/couple of weeks.

I think what frustrates me is that as of 11 days ago, I know I have no mucus plug. Labor is generally within 3 days of losing that (ha!) but can take 2-3 weeks. Being at the 11th-day-after-finding-out-it's-gone point SHOULD mean no more than 10 days...right? RIGHT?? I really dislike all the pregnancy signs that could mean nothing or something. They don't bother me at all and I'm fully aware of them all until I get to this point. And then I'd just really like some kind of definite indicator that something is about to happen. I actually feel like I wouldn't care if my water broke in some embarrassing display at the store because at least then I would KNOW.

The nesting urge is strong right now...very strong. On Saturday, I spent the entire day cleaning and organizing Hazen's and my bedroom to make room for the baby. I even emptied out both closets, boxed up things we don't need, moved some of the baby's things into Hazen's closet (that really made him happy, haha), went through my clothes and made a donation pile...I've been busy. Yesterday, I put all the numbers in my cell phone into our address book (I had nightmares about it the night before, so it *had* to get done), cut up an old shirt to use as diaper liners for the meconium days, and made our emergency contact list and list of things to grab as we're running out that door that I can't pack in advance (pillow, IPod, birthing ball, make-up, etc). I would have done much more, but we had church and errands that took up a lot of my day...and totally wore me out. Today, my plan is to put together the broken dining room chair (long story), make my IPod playlist, load my IPod...and clean the house. Yes, the entire house. It's a mess and I can't stand it anymore. I know I need to be careful and not overdo it, and that I should be spending these last days resting, but the overwhelming urge to DO things is just too much. I know the baby isn't going to care if the house is a mess when we get her home, but gosh darn it I WILL! And I'm feeling good, so that has been helpful. I think she has dropped--breathing is easier, my rib pain is much less pronounced (thankfully...that was really awful), I can eat again, and my waddle is something impressive.

My next appointment is tomorrow at 5:00. I'm so nervous she will tell me I have made zero progress in the last two weeks. Again, I KNOW it doesn't matter (you can be 0cm and have your water break, or 4cm and hang on for days), but it would still be really nice to find out there has been some change. I'd be happy with a little more effacement...I don't even need another cm to be happy, but going from 60% to 70 or 80% effaced would be great. Just SOMETHING.

Off to get my stuff done...I need to fit a walk to the park in there somewhere, too, since it's supposed to be such a beautiful day.

36 week, 4 day appointment

2011-03-02T15:15:00.002-05:00

Overall it went well. I haven't gained any weight since my last appointment, which doesn't concern my midwife. I am sitting at a current weight gain of about 26 pounds, and she is happy with that. I'm sure the scale will move a little for me next week anyway. ;)

My blood pressure decided to go up, which was so disappointing! My BP with Ian was higher than was desirable for several months, but this pregnancy hasn't been a problem at all. I've been right around the 115-120/70 mark for the entire time. Yesterday, however, it was 137/82, quite a bit higher than it's been. Again, my midwife isn't too worried. I didn't have an excessive weight gain between appointments (actually, I technically went DOWN .3), no swelling, no headaches or dizziness. So we'll be watching to see what it does over the next weeks until delivery, but hopefully it's nothing to worry about. If I have nausea, vomitting, dizziness, or headaches I'm to call L&D, though.

I opted out of my cervical check. I'd rather wait another week to give me more time to progress...I would have been so disappointed to hear that I was exactly the same as last week, which is silly. I KNOW it doesn't mean much...you can be zero and have your water break an hour later or be 4cm for weeks...but it's still fun to hear that things are moving in the right direction.

And for some good news: GBS swab was negative. Woo-hoo!

I feel like an idiot...and updates.

2011-02-27T19:22:00.003-05:00

One of the "big" things I wanted for this baby is a bouncy seat. It saved me with Ian since it was the only thing he would allow me to set him down in. It's not that I mind carrying a baby all the time, but sometimes I need to do things alone like shower or cook.

Well, yesterday I had a shower with my small group and got TONS of great things, but not a bouncy seat. So this morning I pulled up Craigslist, found a chair, asked if it was available, BOUGHT it, Hazen pointed out it was a bit dirty but I thought "no biggie...I don't mind cleaning something up a bit to save some money", get it home, take it apart to clean and discover: it's been jimmy-rigged, it's crooked, and the batteries left in the battery compartment had exploded. Oy.

I know better. I always ask what kind of condition something is in if it's not mentioned in the ad. I've gotten diapers online, and always ask "is there smoking in the house? What kind of shape is it in? Any staining? etc". But this time I asked NOTHING and feel like a big dummy. I can't even donate the thing is how bad of condition it's in...I would feel guilty forever.

I hope the Bebe au Lait nursing cover I ordered on eBay shows up in great shape or I'm going to lose it. As it is, I have to make a trip to the store tomorrow to buy a bouncy chair...again. Ugh.

In happier (?) news, I am having a lot of contractions. Sometimes they hurt quite a bit, sometimes I don't even notice them, and sometimes they are just enough to get my attention. But I am having several an hour every hour, so I'm hopeful that my body is getting geared up for labor. I'm still hoping and planning to make it to at least Friday (full term) but Baby Girl is more than welcome to make her appearance any time after that. Next appointment is Tuesday and I'm hopeful that I will have made some progress since last week. It will be a little disappointing to find out I haven't after all the contractions over the last few days.

36 week appointment

2011-02-23T18:08:00.004-05:00

I had my 36-week appointment yesterday, and it was a little more exciting than I expected. Her head is very low, and during my external exam it was hard for my doctor to find. I was soooo afraid she was going to tell me that Little Miss is still breech! After that, I had my GBS swab and she checked me. I am 2cm and 60% effaced, which is more than either of us expected! I've been having some contractions, but most of them aren't painful. I have also lost my mucus plug, which surprised me. I've noticed little bits and pieces over the last couple of weeks, but none of the big chunks like I had with Ian.

I was told to not shower without the hubby being home in case I slip (she said something about if I hit my bottom, Little Girl's head is in the perfect spot to put me in labor), and to not grocery shop alone in case my water breaks. So I'm meant to take it easy for the next few weeks and make sure I have access to a driver if I'm going to be out and about. I'm also going to be seen weekly now.

I'm hoping she waits another 8 days so I get to 37 weeks and she is considered full term. I know odds are that she would be just fine now, but hitting 37 weeks would definitely be preferred. If I go into labor now, though, it won't be stopped--eeek!

I had a lot of contractions after getting home (I assumed the exam irritated my uterus a little bit), and then had quite a few during the night. Most weren't painful, but there were some that really got my attention and kept me from getting good sleep. They are less intense today, but she is moving around a lot and I'm feeling a lot of pressure in my cervix and some cramping in my legs.

My animals have been acting strange, which makes me a bit nervous. My dog has been following me more than usual for the last couple of weeks, but I didn't think anything of it. The cat, though, was really acting strangely last night. He usually sleeps at our feet or on the floor near the bed, but last night he kept curling up right next to my belly or up by my head, and he just purred the entire time. This morning, my dog whined outside the door while I was showering. I'm hoping they're not trying to tell me something.

I'm feeling a little panicky at the thought of going into labor soon, so I'm off to pick up a few things at the store (without the hubby...bad, bad, bad, but it's just the BX which Hazen could get to in about 5 minutes), and going to see about getting my hair cut since I really want that done before Little Miss gets here.

My belly from yesterday (35 weeks, 5 days):

35 weeks and time to start chilling out

2011-02-20T09:20:00.002-05:00

I am really active. I am constantly going, and if I get an idea in my head, I have to see it through. Yesterday, I decided to deep clean the house. I pulled out the steam cleaner and everything (for the record, my house smells very fresh and clean today!).

A couple of hours into my cleaning, I started to get a little light headed. I figured it was because I hadn't had enough water, so went to grab my water glass. As soon as I reached for it, I had this feeling like I was going to pass out and/or throw up. I sat down on the floor with my knees apart and took several deep breaths, and felt better in a couple of minutes.

This morning I'm just sitting at the computer but I'm hot, I'm thirsty, and I just feel "off". I guess it's time to start relaxing more, paying more attention to my food and fluid needs, and letting my boys do more (and not let it get to me if my house doesn't look perfect!). It really annoys me to not be able to do everything I'm used to, even though I logically know this is temporary, and I need to get as much rest as I can before the baby comes...there will be no rest with a newborn and a 4-year-old!

This is getting expensive

2011-02-15T17:57:00.002-05:00

Being pregnant. Being VERY pregnant. This third trimester has been very similar to Ian's...I want sugar. Lots and lots and lots of sugar. And I buy sugar. Lots and lots and lots of sugar. Ice cream. Chocolate. Processed cupcakes. And today I really want a gigantic Starbucks machiatto. I don't need one. I really shouldn't have one. Caffeine makes me feel awful (pregnant or not...it's just not something I have regularly). But nothing sounds better than a big ol' sugar loaded coffee. I suppose it's good the hubby is at work and I don't feel like getting the kid ready to go out. My craving may go unsatisfied tonight.

Nesting!!

2011-02-07T09:03:00.003-05:00

A couple of days ago, I got the HUUUUUGE urge to get everything ready for baby. To the point that I was panicked about it because there was really nothing I could do. I didn't have any of my storage items for her, so washing everything was pointless with no storage (as I explained in my previous post).

So, I went out and bought all the storage items on my registry. I kept the receipts so if I get anything, I can easily return the shower item and keep the stuff I bought. Easy-peasy. And then I cleaned. and cleaned. and cleaned.

All diapers are prepped and put away (at least the ones we'll need for the first few weeks...did both the newborn and small prefolds, need to wash the newborn and small pockets and AIOs still, though). All newborn and 0-3 months clothes are washed and put away. Both of our hospital bags are almost completely packed. The only things missing from mine are my Lansinoh Lanolin (went to both Target and BRU...BOTH were sold out! Is there a Lansinoh shortage I should know about???) and a nursing nightgown. I refuse to spend a fortune on a nightgown I'm going to bleed all over (sorry for the TMI!), so am now in search of something not specifically nursing but that will allow easy access while in the hospital. Baby Girl's bag is almost completely done, I just need to wash her blankets and stuff those in there. Today I will wash the car seat cover and scrub down the plastic pieces. I've been putting it off because I HATE getting the covers back on car seats. Off is pretty easy...back on? Notsomuch.

And, of course, I have a small vent. Target has a system where if you buy certain items, it causes certain coupons to be spit out with your receipts. I bought nursing pads. The coupon that comes from nursing pads is for Enfamil formula. What??? I would think that nursing pads yell "I'm going to breastfeed!". I don't know if it's Target, the companies, or a combination that decide when a coupon should come out, but it's maddening! Women are told that breast is best but formula is just as good (watch a commercial..."such and such added to be more like breastmilk"). Hospitals take babies and give them formula, often without mother's permission. And breastpads envoke formula coupons? It totally screamed "good for you and your silly breastfeeding plans. In case that fails, here are some formula coupons. Breastfeeding is HARD you know" to me. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but seriously. That stuff makes me MAD.

A funnier coupon happened when I bought my little bag of Depends for after the birth. I have a coupon for more Depends now, though I don't plan on making those a regular part of my life for at least a couple more years. ;)

33 weeks

2011-02-04T09:11:00.002-05:00

Starting to get things into high gear now. Realizing I should probably wash at least some of Baby Girl's things...prep some diapers...clean the car seat...something. I was DONE at this point with Ian. I'm honestly just holding off because I have a kinda-shower at the end of the month. My small group at church is having a combined shower for all of us who have had or are expecting babies in the last few/next few months. I have some storage items that I really need on my registry, but don't want to buy them before the shower (if someone else will buy them, that's all the better!). But without storage, I have nowhere to put anything...I don't want to just put the washed clothing and diapers back into a box. That seems really counterproductive.

I have started packing our hospital bags. That has been relatively easy this time. Last time I didn't have a clue what I was doing. This time, I have a decent idea of what I'll want and need...and what I won't. Hoping to track down a nursing nightgown and some bras today. Finding them in my size for a reasonable price has been difficult.

I have no idea what position this baby is in. I am terrified of getting to my 36 week appointment and being told she is butt down. A c-section is the ABSOLUTE WORST CASE scenario. It would be bad enough if we were a normal, non-PCSing family, but moving 1400 miles in mid-late April would make it that much worse (within weeks of her birth). Driving would be a nightmare. I'm feeling movement all over the place, and there seems to be limbs in awkward areas. I'm checking out the Spinning Babies website and plan to start those exercises this week. But I hope she is head-down...we are getting to the wire as far as how much time she has to turn.

I'm in pain and uncomfortable, but I'm still not "done" being pregnant. This pregnancy has FLOWN by, and I don't feel ready at all. I don't know if I've even accepted that I will be having a little girl next month...it's a little scary! And I have all these big plans for how things are going to go--cloth diapering is going to go great, I'm going to learn to breastfeed using a wrap so that I can keep my hands free to spend time with Ian. My biggest worry is definitely not being able to give Ian the time and attention that he still needs. I'm hoping that being able to involve him in everything will help with the transition for him, but I still have serious mommy-guilt about the whole bringing a new sibling into his life thing. He does seem excited about it, though. He tells me "I want to hug Baby Sister. But not too hard. I can't squeeze. That would hurt Baby Sister. And she can sleep in my bed if she wants." He is so sweet, I really can't wait to see him with her and to watch him be her protector as they get older.

Well, the kiddo is not taking kindly to my blogging this morning...I promised him we would bake some cupcakes and that we would go to the store today, so I should get to that. He keeps bringing me the cupcake cups; this last time they were no longer in their wrapper. I will close with pictures of the belly, taken yesterday at 32 weeks, 6 days. So far, I still only have the belly button piercing stretchmark I got with Ian. Let's hope it stays that way!

32 weeks

2011-01-28T09:19:00.002-05:00

32 weeks today...only about 8 weeks to go!

I had my appointment on Wednesday. I gained 4.8 pounds since my last appointment, so my weight gain seems to be right on track (I've really worried that I haven't been gaining enough with this pregnancy...I'm up 20.8 pounds, though, so I should definitely hit the 25-35 pound goal). My blood pressure is still PERFECT which is an absolute shock and blessing. I'm sure the stress of Hazen's upcoming deployment and not knowing if Ian would be born before he left had an influence on that last time, though.

I forgot to ask what position she is in, which really frustrates me. I think I'm going to start some of the "spinning babies" exercises anyway. Couldn't hurt, even if she is head down, right? The things I feel are odd, and I just can't figure out what I'm feeling. Her hiccups are extremely low in my abdomen, just above my pelvis. I can feel a lump at the top of my uterus, but haven't been able to figure out if it's her head or her bottom. Supposedly if you push on the head, that will be the only thing to move. If you push on the bottom, the entire body will move. I have a stubborn baby, and if I push on it, nothing moves. I also have some body part wrapped around my right side which is not comfortable. It's long and hard, so I'm guessing a leg or an arm. But I really have no idea.

I am feeling nervous about a c-section. I don't know why I'm feeling that way this time...the thought never even crossed my mind with Little Man. I'm hoping that my worry about it isn't some sign that it's going to happen. I am really wanting a "natural" birth this time...no labor inducing drugs, freedom to walk around, bounce on my ball, use the bathroom, no pain meds. So maybe that is increasing my worry that I'll need a c-section? Plus, the fact that we will be moving so shortly after her birth (she's due March 25...we are likely moving mid-late April) means that a c-section CAN NOT happen. I need to be able to drive, and so I think I'm worrying about that possibility, too. I need to take a breath and think positively...pheeeeew.

I'm ordering the last of my newborn-15 pounds diapers next week. I can't wait to get it ALL and take pictures of my entire stash. I have quite a bit already, but am missing some necessities (diaper covers, for example!). In my cart is 24 small GMD (Green Mountain Diapers) prefolds, 5 Thirsties Duo covers, two pail liners, pins, Snappis, one small AIO (all-in-one) Bum Genius, and two medium AIO Bum Genius. That combined with all the goodies I have (and my 13 one-size pockets that will be usable around 10 pounds) should have us mostly set with our diapers. So far, the grand total for cloth diapering is $319. I still need to get a few more pockets, and I will likely pick up some fitteds and more covers along the way, but since I have the VAST majority of my diapering supplies now (or will once I place next week's order!), I think it's safe to say that we will save a significant amount of money by using cloth over disposables. I am SO EXCITED to never have to think "do we need diapers?" when we walk into the grocery store.

My next appointment is February 23. At that point, I get my super fun GBS test done (yay) and will be checked for dilation. I cannot believe that at my next appointment, I am going to be checked. It just seems way too soon...I'm in complete denial that I am this close to being a mommy of two!

30 weeks!!

2011-01-14T11:57:00.003-05:00

It's very exciting to hit the 30-week mark. It seems like things slowed down quite a bit once the holidays ended, but then I realized it's already mid-January...things are going to go fast now.

I'm feeling pretty well. The aches and pains are really picking up, sleeping is a joke since I'm up every 1-2 hours to either adjust position or pee, and the mood swings are starting to hit again (sorry, Babe!), but overall I'm doing fine. Nothing has me at that "I'm done" point, that's for sure. And I'm still not doing that silly thing pregnant women do where they think they'll get more sleep once the baby is out...I'm hoping I don't start to get that crazy thought again (definitely had it with Ian!).

Some pics of me (and one with my little man who isn't feeling well) today:

I am starting to hit panic-mode a little bit. I was a couple of weeks ago, but being in the 30 week range and knowing she could healthily come in as little as 7 weeks...eek! Still haven't bought her any clothing, poor thing, though I did find some really cute little newborn hoodies at Target that I'm going to pick up. Took everything I had to put them back down the other day. We're doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and they were not in the budget...they are now, though. ;) Still have a few diapering necessities to pick up, too, but we are about ready for her in that regard.

28 weeks (well, almost)

2010-12-30T08:53:00.003-05:00

I will be 28 weeks tomorrow...only +/- 12 weeks until we get to meet the Little Miss. I know it's going to go so quickly, it's almost scary.

Had my GTT test on the 28th (two days ago) and got my results at my appointment yesterday. I passed it with no problems (yay!) along with my other labwork (checked my iron and urine). My fundal height was 28, so perfect, I have gained 16lbs, bringing me up to 143, and Little Girl is breech. She still has plenty of time to turn, and she had better do it! I have until 36 weeks before they worry about it, so if at my next appointment (32 weeks) she is still facing the wrong way I will start the exercises to help get her in the right position. And I am so not opposed to asking for an awful, painful external version to attempt to turn her and avoid a c-section...though hopefully it doesn't come to that!

I have realized that I really need to get on the ball and start purchasing things for her arrival. We have most of the big stuff--place for her to sleep, carseat, etc--but the smallest article of clothing we have is 6 months. So I really need to get her some clothes. I have no real excuse...there are plenty of newborn+ lots on Craigslist and braggyardsales for very reasonable prices, I just haven't bothered to inquire about any of them yet. I need to make sure the clothes are for the right season-Spring/Summer-since we'll be here in North Carolina when she is born and then head off to Texas in April. Both places get very warm very early, and stay very warm for a very long time.

I also haven't gotten any of my birthing supplies. I need my exercise ball, nursing nightgown(s), some more wool socks, Depends (if you haven't given birth, trust me...Depends are a good buy!)...I think that's about it. I need to load up my IPod with labor friendly music, too.

So my goal over the next four weeks is to order the last couple of things I need for newborn diapering, to buy her newborn-3 months clothing, to pick out her coming home outfit, and to get my birthing supplies ready. She's going to be here so soon!

99 Days!

2010-12-16T15:09:00.002-05:00

That's right, double digits--the lil' miss is due in 99 short days! I know it will be here so much faster than I realize!

Some pictures of the belly to remember this awesome day (and my sweet little boy had to be in on the action, of course):

This week has been PAINFUL. I've gotten all sorts of pregnant comments, some that I mentioned in a previous post, so apparently all that pain has been the little one and I growing. Ouch!

My belly button is doing the "super cute" thing it did with Ian--the top half is popping out while the bottom stays in/flat. I think I'd prefer if the entire thing could decide to do one thing or the other, but oh well.

Here is the first, and currently only, little girl thing I have bought:

If she's like her mommy and big brother, she is going to be bald. For a long time. And when she does have hair, it will be transparent...and short. Headwraps are a must. ;)

My diaper stash is almost complete, which is exciting! I just got 12 Bum Genius 3.0 one size pockets for $50...they are about $18/each new. They need the velcro replaced on them, but my sister-in-law is a fantastic sewer and has said she will do it for me. Hopefully it's an easy fix, but for a savings of almost $200 over buying new...well, even if I have to HAND SEW the velcro on there, it will be worth it.

25 1/2 weeks

2010-12-14T09:15:00.002-05:00

I don't know what happened, but 20 weeks hit and suddenly this pregnancy is FLYING. I'm sure Thanksgiving and Christmas had a little something to do with it. In less than three weeks, I will be in my third trimester--crazy!

I think Lil' Miss must have hit a growth spurt. I've been unsatiably hungry the last few days and yesterday Ian said to me "Wow, Mommy. Your belly is BIG". He hadn't said a thing about my belly until then, and now today he followed it up with "Your belly is getting really big. You can't drive? The baby is gonna come out?" I don't know where he came up with not driving, but he definitely made me smile--he can be pretty cute. ;)

I'm going to tell a secret: our front running name is Teagan Ella. I like it and I don't, and here are my reasons. 1. Teagan and Ian sound very similar. I'm imagining yelling at them for dinner/to stop fighting/to get off the dog/etc. It just doesn't flow well. 2. When we came up with Ian's name, I just knew--that's his name. Teagan hasn't hit me that way, at least not yet. It wasn't an instant "that's it" at all. 3. I'm getting my little girl. The name just doesn't seem "girly" enough, as silly as that probably is. Ella is non-negotiable--it's the name of my great-grandmother who passed away 5 years ago.

So, my "job" is to keep looking for names. But, so far, I haven't found anything I like more than Teagan. 3 months to keep looking...I'll figure it out.

In other news, I LOST one of my eBay auctions. I was so angry about it, too! I had been the top bidder for 2 days, I checked it one hour before it was up and I was still winning (by a lot...my max bid was $20 and we were only up to $15.50...where we had been for TWO DAYS), I go to the grocery store and then come home to find that I lost. Some sneaky woman snuck in there and stole my diaper covers. :p But, the good news is that I did win one. I got 14 barely used prefolds for $22.95 (that was with shipping). And then I found 12 more newborn, organic, prepped only (means they were washed several times to fluff them out and get them ready for use but never used) for $22 with shipping. So my 26 prefolds combined with my small all-in-ones and small pockets mean I am about set for the newborn stage--woo-hoo! Will probably need more covers, though, and I still need to make the supplies purchases--wipes, liners, wet bags, diaper pail, pins, Snappis, etc. But those don't count as newborn necessities...those will stick with us until this baby potty learns and until the next one (fingers crossed) does as well. ;)

New addiction--eBay

2010-12-12T09:48:00.002-05:00

I am trying very hard to buy my newborn diaper stash used. Based on Ian's size at birth, I don't expect newborn prefolds/covers to fit Little Girl for more than 6-8 weeks...tops. I've been checking diaperswappers several times a day for the prefolds I want. I just read on another board that they are hard to get used for a couple of reasons: 1. Everybody loves them so much they don't sell them, and 2. When somebody does sell them there are about 40 mamas trying to get to them. I've thought I was "first" trying to get a couple dozen, but the stinking site won't let me PM so I'm pretty sure I'm missing out by having to post on the thread. I'm getting frustrated. The only ones I seem to stand a chance at are the ones I complained about before--the used ones that cost as much or more than the new ones.

So, I wandered over to eBay. I am currently the top bidder for three newborn Thirsties covers at $15.50 (they are $11/each new--auction ends in 6 hours), and 12 GMD newborn prefolds plus two size small Swaddlebees prefolds at $11.50 (they are $21 for the GMD new...dont' know the price of the Swaddlebees--auction ends in 9 hours). I've been the leader for a couple of days, so hoping no one comes in and scoops these up! :)

Buying cloth diapers is fun. Buying them for a good price is much MORE fun. ;)

24 Weeks-VIABILITY!

2010-12-07T13:18:00.002-05:00

If baby were born now, she would have about a 40% chance of survival. And since I'm closer to 25 weeks than 24 weeks at this point (oops), she is actually nearing a 50% chance of surviving outside of the womb. Of course, we're hoping she spends at least another 12 weeks right where she is, getting big and strong and ready to come home with us.

I had my 24-week appointment last week. I am now GAINING weight, so everyone is happy. My weight gain is following Ian's almost exactly. I started at 127 3/4 with him, and was at 136 3/4 at 24 weeks. This time, I started at 127 even and was at 136 even...so exactly 9 pounds gained at 24 weeks with both babies. I think I'm on track for another 30 pound pregnancy, which is just perfect. If I continue following my Ian pattern, I will gain another 6 pounds between now and December 29 (my 28 week appointment). Doc said to just keep doing what I'm doing--I'm healthy and my weight is perfect. Yay!

Fundal height was exactly 24cm, so also perfect. Blood pressure is still normal, I'm very thankful for that. I was actually surprised to have good BP since I had spent 20 minutes looking for a spot before parking on an unmarked curb, practically running to the entrance, then being angry because I was not checking in 15 minutes early, but right on time...on the day I had to get out of there on time to pick Ian up from school to avoid a $1/minute late charge. And of course they took my BP within two minutes of walking in, so I was sure it would be out of control.

Next appointment is the 29th, and on the 27th or 28th I have to do my GTT (glucose tolerance test) and some labwork to make sure my iron and all that is normal. The third trimester is creeping up--just over three weeks to go! It actually starts on hubby's birthday, the 31st, so that will be an exciting day. :)

And now, the belly:

I am losing my belly button...it is going flat on me, so I know it's only a matter of time before it pokes out. Uterus is almost to my ribs, so in the next few weeks I should start to pop out and really show...takes a little longer with my long torso. ;) I was about 28 weeks when people started to really notice I was pregnant with Ian, so I'm expecting to "pop" right around then this time, too.

Diapers!

2010-12-07T12:53:00.003-05:00

My first cloth diapers arrived yesterday. It was so exciting to open up that box and see what I had gotten, since I did a "grab bag" type thing for Cyber Monday and had NO IDEA what would be coming. So, for $39.80 I got:

Swaddlebees Econappi one-size pocket (retail $26.95--pics are small setting, large setting, and inside):

Happy Heiny's size small pocket (retail $18.95):

Bum Genius size small all-in-one (retail $15.95):

Econobum one-size cover and prefold (retail $9.95--pics are small setting, large setting, and inside with prefold):

And with the diapers, I also got some Flip diaper disposable inserts ($4.95), Bum Genius doublers ($4.95), odor remover ($5.99) and bottom cleaner ($7.95):

Retail total: $95.64. Again, I paid: $39.80. Total savings: $55.84!! The diapers alone retail $71.80, so even if I don't use the "extras" I got a great deal. Gotta love Cyber Monday. ;)

My first thoughts (keep in mind these are from someone who has never actually used a cloth diaper on a baby):

Swaddlebees: Love it. Inside is really soft. The insert is cool, it folds and snaps to the different sizes. HOWEVER, the smallest setting on the insert is still really big when trying to put it into the smallest setting of the diaper. Will likely need to order different inserts for small size.

Happy Heiny's: Again, inside is SUPER soft. Love that it's purplish despite my requesting boy colors (didn't know baby girl was a girl when I ordered!). Didn't know that Happy Heiny's pockets do not include insert, so will have to order some. Not a biggy...have to get inserts for the Swaddlebees anyway.

Bum Genius: Hazen's favorite. He wants them ALL to be like THAT. It's like a disposable diaper, nothing special to do to it. Put it on, take it off, put it in pail. However, all-in-ones (AIOs) take a long time to dry. So I've convinced him to allow me to order extra Bum Genius one-size pocket diapers as opposed to AIOs. Will be just as easy for him since I'll be the one dealing with the insert anyway.

Econobum: I like the cover. It really does get pretty small, which impresses me. Still not sure it will fit a newborn, but I've read great reviews on the cover as a whole, so hopeful it will at least contain the messes when baby fits in it. The prefold is HUGE and I'm sure that won't comfortably fit a newborn. Even with folding it in the diaper the way the instructions suggest, it's huge and doesn't really fit well in the cover. Will be using the Green Mountain Diapers prefolds with this cover...the econobum one can be a burp cloth. ;)

Flip inserts: Was debating whether I should try the Flip system (covers with disposable or reusable inserts) but now I'm committed! Hoping to be able to use the covers with disposable inserts when traveling, and then use the reusable inserts otherwise. Also wondering if they will work as a cover for prefolds. Hmmm.

Other stuff: don't know much about it! I like the doublers, but my newborn prefolds can be used as doublers as well. So I might have an abundance of doublers! The deodorizer and bottom cleaner are things I haven't seen before, so need to figure out what they are and how likely I am to use them.

And it's a...

2010-12-02T09:39:00.001-05:00

GIRL!!!!

Face

Sucking fingers

Between the legs...no penis!

Can kind of see labia here:

Ultrasound tonight!!! And some diaper stuff

2010-12-01T09:36:00.002-05:00

Sooo unbelievably excited. I really don't know how I'm supposed to make it through the day. 10pm for an ultrasound is just cruel. Planning to keep as busy as possible--playdate at 10:30 this morning (which I should be getting ready for), then home to work on Ian's "family tree" for school tomorrow, two hours of Biggest Loser when hubby gets home (it's on until 11pm here now...ridiculous!), Financial Peace University from 7 to 9ish, then back to base by 9:45 to check in. Hopefully that will keep us busy enough to distract from the loooooong wait today!

In other news, I made my first cloth diaper purchase. Cotton Babies (the maker of Bum Genius, Flip, Fuzzibunz, etc) was having a Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale. They were selling grab bags of one diaper and one accessory for $9.95, with a guaranteed savings of 30-35%...not bad! So I went ahead and ordered four of those. The trick, though, is that I don't know what I'm getting. The diapers can be an all-in-one, pocket, fitted, or one-size cover. Hoping to get a little variety since I'm new to cloth diapering and want to try everything. The downside is that I had to choose boy or girl for the sex when I ordered on Monday...I DON'T KNOW!! So I clicked boy and requested gender neutral if possible in the notes. I figure blue on a girl will be better than pink on a boy.

In other CD news, some people irritate me. I've been checking out diaperswappers, a very cool site to sell your used diapers, but there are tons of girls on there who sell their used diapers for MORE than the cost of buying them new. Seriously? All the good deals I've found get swiped up really quickly (obviously) and I'm left with the ones trying to sell a dozen newborn prefolds for $35...they retail at $21. Granted, if I order them from the site there is a flat shipping charge of $6-something, but since I'm ordering quite a few things from there anyway, $6 for shipping is extremely reasonable. So no luck yet with diaperswappers, but I will keep searching. Planning to order my newborn kit this week, so will have to keep my eyes open for the next size up, Snappis, wet bags, etc.

Oh, and I've heard people say cloth diapering is addictive. I didn't understand it...a diaper is a diaper, right? Yeah, not so much...this CD stuff totally IS addicting. :p

Will update with pictures and hopefully GENDER tomorrow--cannot wait!

Mommy Guilt and WEIGHT GAIN!

2010-11-28T09:30:00.004-05:00

I feel GUILTY for having another baby. Like this is going to take away from Ian and effect him in some catastrophic way. I know it's ridiculous to think that way...I have my little brother who is one of my best friends (now, lol) and three stepsisters that I adore. Siblings are wonderful and make life full and fun. BUT Ian was my one and only for four years...four and a half by the time baby arrives. It just seems like the longer the gap between children, the harder it would be on them. He will always remember a time when it was just him...I don't remember that. I was only 18 months old when my brother was born. And we spent two years trying for this baby, two years that I spent not knowing if it was going to happen. I appreciated Ian more in those two years, and I clung to him knowing he might very well be my only child.

I'm excited for this baby, of course I am. I really can't wait to be a mommy of two. But I can't help but worry about how Ian is going to handle it all. I've talked to my other mommy of two friends and they all say this is normal, and it will go away once the baby is here--everything will work itself out. And, logically, I know that's true. But the guilt is still here, and probably will be until this little one is born and fits into our family the way that Ian instantly did.

In "better" news, my weight gain has picked up! My belly doesn't seem any bigger (I actually think I shrunk a bit this week!) but the scale is really moving now--thank you Thanksgiving! I am now up about 8 pounds, which is a difference of four pounds from last week--woo-hoo!

I don't know why I'm allowing myself to worry about this. My weight gain followed this EXACT pattern when I was pregnant with Ian. The first half was spent in the negatives/very low positives. Then, at about 24 weeks, it really picked up. I am fully expecting that to happen now, but when I get emails saying "average weight gain at this point is 10-15 pounds" and I'm pushing four...well, it makes you feel a little like you're starving your baby or something!

I've been worried about getting "yelled at" at my next appointment (Thursday). I spent a large chunk of my pregnancy with Ian being told I needed to gain more until I got to the end and had a different doctor tell me I had the best weight gain he had seen in a long time. I'm supposed to gain 25-35lbs...I gained exactly 30 with Ian. So I know odds are my gain will be fine this time around, too. And I haven't been "yelled at" yet about it, so I'm probably worrying over nothing. But I do have the least gain in my March due date club, which is surprising and doesn't help my worry. Maybe I should just consider myself more disciplined than the others with my eating? I'm not gaining too little, everyone else is gaining too much. I think I'll go with that. ;)

Lazy Monday

2010-11-22T14:36:00.004-05:00

First, some pics of the belly: 22 weeks and 3 days!

Not really liking how visible my stretchmark from Ian is getting BUT I know I'm lucky to have only one from him and to have not gotten anymore (yet) this time around. Gotta keep it positive. ;)

Things are going well. I've been having lots of growing pains in my hips and abdomen, so I'm sure my 24 week pictures will show some growth. I can always tell when I'm about to pop out a little bit more!

I'm anxious waiting for the ultrasound--only 9 days left! I know with Thanksgiving and the holiday weekend it will fly by. Thank goodness.

My entire diaper plan has gone out the window. I get so excited that I go loony and THEN do my research and change my mind. I should learn to research first and THEN post. ;) I think we're going to stick with prefolds and fitteds as our primary diapers, and then use the pockets for night and out-and-abouts. Of course I don't know for sure what I plan to do, so I'm just ordering a bit of everything. I've got my newborn diapers ready to order, just waiting until the next payday. I'll post pics once I get my first "stash"--I'm so excited to get them and play with them! I have my 10-15lb diapers ready to go, too, with a bit more variety than the newborns, but am waiting until after our move to order those. The less I have to try and stuff in my car, the better.

So things are good. On one hand I'm really enjoying being pregnant--I love growing and feeling kicks and this stage right now where I feel great. But I'm also already getting very excited to meet my newest baby...only 18ish weeks to go!

Edit to the diaper post

2010-11-20T08:05:00.002-05:00

I got excited and said I was going to use a different type of BumGenius than I am (there is a difference!). I won't be using the AIOs, I'll be using the pocket type that has a liner stuffed into it. I'm eyeing the 4.0s because my beloved Target sells them online, and they are available with both snaps and velcro. I've been quite conflicted on whether to go with snaps or velcro. I've read that the velcro will wear out eventually and need to be replaced. You would assume that would be an easy fix, but I am not very handy with the needle and thread. Snaps last longer. Velcro is also a problem because older babies can easily undo it, but I wonder if it's much different than babies being able to undo their disposable diapers? Hmm. I've been told, though, that velcro is easier to deal with, especially during the middle of the night changings. SO I think I'm going to try some with Velcro and some with Snaps and see what I think.

Cloth Diapers

2010-11-18T14:07:00.002-05:00

We've decided to use cloth for this little one, so I've been doing as much research as I can. I go to all sorts of websites, I price them, I look at them, I fantasize about how cute they'll look on a newborn bottom...they are much more fun than disposables!

I've been very back and forth on what diapers to use, and I suppose over time I'll try them all. Right now I'm leaning towards prefolds/covers for the first few weeks, and then one size all-in-one Bum Genius' after that. But I don't know. I may try some other options, too. The prefolds just seem to be the easiest choice for a tiny newborn, PLUS those can be used as doublers in bigger diapers later. The AIOs (all-in-ones) seem to be the least "scary" when it comes to converting my husband, and the rest of the family, to my I-wanna-cloth-diaper ways. They're seriously like using a disposable--snap 'em on, take 'em off, throw them in the pail and Mom will deal with the stinkies...nobody's life is gonna change.

I think my excitement in this is because it's "new". I did all the "new" stuff with Ian...tiny clothes, learning to breastfeed, learning to bathe, getting over the fear of breaking the itsy-bitsy person I was holding, etc. There is nothing "new" about the second baby, not really. I'm not nervous about the things that scared me before, I know that as hard as the first weeks (months...) are, we'll get through them and my precious newborn will be a 4-year-old before I even realize what happened. But cloth diapers...those are new. And kinda scary. And they give me something to research and figure out and fall in love with. So they're exciting.

I'm planning on getting almost completely neutral colors, but I'm sure some pink or blue will find it's way in there once we find out what this baby is...13 days to go!

Two weeks, two weeks

2010-11-17T13:27:00.002-05:00

Until the big ultrasound! I cannot wait...I am nearly 22 weeks now, and it is so strange to not know what we're having. I'm still pretty set on a girl, but it could very well be a boy. I'm totally thrilled with either--I just can't wait to know and get a name and some special items picked out for this little one. :)

The honeymoon is officially here, which is great. I feel good, the belly is growing, the baby is moving. I'm still only up 4 pounds which is starting to annoy me. Based on my weight gain with Ian, this is totally normal and the pounds will pack on in the third trimester (I gained 21 of the 30 pounds gained with him between weeks 24 and 39), but it's frustrating to not have that scale move. I've added more high calorie 100% juices and things like chocolate milk to my tons and tons of water in an effort to gain a little weight. I'm also not being conservative with the mayo on my cheese sandwiches. So I guess there are perks to being a slow gainer...I can have all the wonderful, fatty, high calorie foods I want without worrying too much about it. ;)

20 weeks--halfway!!

2010-11-05T13:05:00.003-04:00

Not much to say beyond that. Just really excited to hit the 20-week mark. In 4 weeks, I will hit the age of viability. I really can't wait to reach that milestone. :)

Thought I should add some pics of the belly. And, for comparison, a pic of 20 weeks with Ian.

With Ian:

Ultrasound scheduled

2010-11-03T14:57:00.001-04:00

For December 1 at 10pm. Yes, a month from now in the middle of the night. Going to see about the possibility of a referral...I'm kind of pissed.

16-20 week appointment--19w4d

2010-11-02T16:09:00.003-04:00

Finally had my 16-20 week appointment today. It was two days shy of 8 weeks since my last appointment!

Baby's heartbeat was only 130, so pretty low (normal range, but low...Ian's was in the 150s and this one's was 160 at 12 weeks). So now I'm really curious to find out what we're having. I know the HR isn't a reliable indicator at all, but that would definitely scream BOY! if it were!

I got my order in for my ultrasound, but when I called I was told that radiology has to review the order first and I can call back tomorrow after 1:30 to schedule. I want to schedule it NOW. I am pretty sure I am the only one in my March due date club who has not had her ultrasound yet. I knew I'd be one of the last being due on the 25th, but seriously the APRIL girls are having theirs before I do. Sheesh. :p

Other than that, not much to report. I have to go to the lab in the next day or two and pee in a cup, which is always fun. Also need to get in for my flu shot...I hate shots. I skipped it last year, but with being pregnant and with all the strange illnesses Ian brought home in the month of October (Croup, pneumonia, strep, pink eye) I'm thinking I should probably get it this time.

Will update when I get my ultrasound date...can't wait!

The Advantages of a Late Ultrasound

2010-10-28T08:58:00.002-04:00

I've come to terms with the fact that I likely won't get my ultrasound until 22 or 23 weeks. It was really upsetting at first, but I'm getting better. I have my next appointment on Tuesday at 19 weeks and 4 days, and at that time we will schedule my u/s. The problem is that they schedule anywhere from 2-4 weeks out ANYWAY, but we have Veteran's Day on the 11th...followed by a Friday "down day" which means non-emergency offices will not be open. The next week is wide open, but because Hazen's shop's manning has been cut in half the ONLY day he can come with me is that Friday afternoon. The next week is Thanksgiving week. Hazen is available on both the 22 and 24 at any time (Monday and Wednesday) but then Thanksgiving is Thursday and, you guessed it, another "down day" on Friday. So, basically, I have no choice but to be okay with a late ultrasound.

Now, to the advantage part of this--the gender should be VERY obvious by that gestation. So I figure I can be pretty confident in whatever they tell me (and, BTW, I am still convinced they are going to say it's a girl. My "instinct" is really strong regarding this...so I'm probably wrong, lol).

In other news, I took my last Unisom on Monday night. Haven't had one on Tuesday or Wednesday. So far, so good. I don't feel awesome, but I'm not nauseas and I'm not throwing up. This is the fourth time I've tried to stop them, so I'm really hoping it works this time--I REALLY hate taking any kind of medicine unless I absolutely have to. I don't even like to take Tylenol. The downside is that Unisom is now marketed as a sleeping aid, whereas it was originally an anti-nausea medicine (obviously still used that way, but not marketed as such). The last two nights have not been the best sleep-wise. I wake up several times, I can't get comfortable, I have one long stretch where I absolutely cannot get back to sleep. So I am missing the sleep-aid part of it, but don't want to be dependent on sleeping pills either. So I'm going to suck it up and hopefully my body quickly adjusts to not having that help and will let me get a little more sleep.

The 18 week belly

2010-10-26T15:01:00.002-04:00

I don't like anything touching my belly, so I roll it over. Definitely starting to look (and feel!!) pregnant this week. The couple of days of serious growth I had were painful. Hopefully soon people notice I'm growing a little person as opposed to just gaining weight. ;)

Feeling Kicks!

2010-10-22T09:21:00.002-04:00

Last night, hubby felt the baby kicking. It was so much fun--I really love it when other people can start feeling it, too. It will be a bit longer before I let other people try (uterus is still slightly below my bellybutton...no one needs to be putting their hands there!), but it's really great to be able to share it with my hubby. :)

At the beginning of the week, I was getting a little worried because Baby was being stubborn and really wasn't moving much. I was eating, drinking orange juice, having ice-cream, anything I could to get the stinker to move for me. Not much was happening. Wednesday afternoon the movements started to be more regular again, and then yesterday (Thursday) they were pretty strong. On top of that, the sides of my belly were really hurting, especially if I coughed or laughed (those round ligaments are no joke!!). I seriously grew just over yesterday...it was painful. I'll take a pic in the next day or two so you can see the difference between 16 weeks and 18. Ouch!

I can very rarely feel the baby on the outside. Last night, I was laying in bed and s/he was pretty active. I put my hand on my belly and was immediately kicked! I had Hazen put his hand on me, and sure enough, he was given two big kicks. It was fun to see his reaction. He faked feeling it once with Ian and I knew he wasn't telling the truth. The time he really did feel it, I could tell it was genuine. These times were definitely genuine--he would gasp or say "wow!" at exactly the right moment, without me having to say "Did you feel that?". So cool!!

The Cabbage Test

2010-10-20T10:47:00.003-04:00

So, there is a gender test out there known as the cabbage test. The gist of it is this: Cut up a purple cabbage into tiny little pieces. Boil some water. Put the cabbage in the water and boil for 15 minutes. Remove from heat. Add 1 part cabbage water to 1 part urine. If the water turns pink or red, you're having a boy. If it's purple, it's a girl. Here are my results (I did this around 13 weeks, I think, so awhile ago...I'm just that awesome at blogging).

On the counter (purple):

In the window (reddish):

Going down the sink? Purple. So my interpretation? I'm having a boy or a girl. ;)

17 weeks, 5 days

2010-10-20T10:32:00.002-04:00

Almost 18 weeks...this pregnancy is flying by! I have my next appointment on November 2 and am very anxious to get my ultrasound scheduled and find out if we're having a boy or a girl.

I'm feeling better. I'm still at my pre-pregnancy weight, so hoping to start gaining pretty soon. I looked back at my info from Ian and I was down almost a full pound at this point with him, so at least I'm doing a little better. And I ended up gaining 30 pounds and having an 8 pound, perfectly healthy little boy that time. I'm sure the same will happen this time. :)

If I take Unisom the night before, I don't have to worry about morning sickness. I have tried not taking it a few times, but everytime I throw up. Really not fun. I'm going to try and go without it again this weekend...hoping soon I'll be ready to give it up!

The fatigue is better. I don't have to take naps everyday anymore, though I still appreciate the ones I squeeze in! By bedtime I am beat, but it's alright. I'm sleeping well, and that's the important thing.

So, finally for some belly pictures. I've taken a pic about every three weeks. I may start doing every two soon, but for now three weeks between seems to be a good comparison. I'm taking a while to really pop out again, same as I did with Ian. It's all about the long torso, I guess. ;)

3 weeks, 3 days (day I got my BFP! End of the day and a little bloated):

10 weeks:

13 weeks:

16 1/2 weeks:

Sooooo moody

2010-09-23T14:07:00.001-04:00

I was the ideal pregnant person the first time. I was happy all the time, I was rarely sick, my moods were kept pretty well in check (I was more weepy, but that was over TV shows, songs, etc rather than some random thing my husband said). This time, I yell at the dog, I yell at the husband, I yell at the kid. I throw things (not at anybody, just to make a nice loud sound and get some "anger" out), I cry for no reason. I start off my day perfectly happy and then turn into some angry person that I don't even recognize. It's kind of awful!

I am really hoping this is all some nasty side-effect of the first trimester and that it will be leaving me soon. I will be 14-weeks tomorrow (a full week into the 2nd trimester--yeah!) and I seem to be feeling better. As long as I take my Unisom the night before, the nausea really isn't bad anymore (I've tried not taking it twice...both times I spent the next day vomitting. Don't think I'm ready to give it up yet!). The fatigue is so-so. It's not AS bad, but I'm still a much happier person if I get my 2-hour nap.

I know this will be worth it. I'm feeling baby every-other-day or so, and that's been a lot of fun. I was much further along before I felt Ian, so it's been an unexpected (but happy!) surprise. I'm really looking forward to the daily movements and feeling it on the outside. I can't wait for Hazen and Ian to be able to share in this, especially since I'll be nearly 20 weeks before we hear the heartbeat again. And I am really looking forward to the honeymoon stage of pregnancy. I'm excited to feel good, have some energy back, and start growing my obvious belly. :)

12 weeks, 4 days

2010-09-14T12:49:00.002-04:00

Things are going well. Had my 12 week appointment last week (was 11 + 5), and the heartbeat was so loud and clear, I couldn't believe it. I remember Ian's heartbeat being muted and hard to pick out (plus it was hard to find), but this time she found it within seconds and it was so easy to hear. We didn't get to listen long--baby didn't like the doppler and was bumping into it and moving away, and that was making me laugh. So we got maybe 5 seconds of listen time between the baby and me being incooperative. It was beating at about 160bpm, compared to 140 at 6 weeks, 5 days.

I'm starting to feel better. Still exhausted by the end of the day, but the nausea is slowing down. Haven't thrown up in about a week, knock on wood (though it has been replaced by a very irritating headache)!

The belly is starting to pooch. I'm pretty regularly in maternity wear these days, particularly the pants. It's hard to find pants that I like, that are in my size, and that don't cost a fortune. I refuse to spend a ton of money on maternity clothes, especially since I'm saving for my cloth diaper stash. Ross has been okay, but I've only found one pair of pants there. They should get me through the second trimester (which starts Friday!!!!), but I really don't think they'll be much help once the third hits. I also got three shirts that are cute, but I think they'll also be more for the second and useless to me in the last couple of months.

I am in such disbelief that I got my sticky baby already. I mean, 26 months isn't "already" by any means, but that the first positive tests I had actually resulted in a healthy baby (jumping ahead by 6 months, I know, but at this point it really looks like I'll be bringing home a squishy newborn in March!!). Based on our first experience, I expected a miscarriage. I don't know why, I just thought that I would get pregnant, miscarry, and then a few months later get pregnant with our keeper. It's twisted and stupid, I know, but it was my expectation. And then with the spotting and all...I just really thought it was over before we really got started.

And now, for some cheerful news--I felt the baby this morning! I've been really trying and focusing on it for the last week or so, and today the beanie obliged. I can't describe it, only a mommy who has been through the early movements can understand it, but it was unmistakably baby. I can't wait until I can feel it all regularly and have a little foot or bottom sticking out of my belly in weird angles...I LOVE the huge pregnant stage and I am looking so forward to it. I'm looking forward to it ALL. :)

9 weeks, 3 days

2010-08-23T12:39:00.002-04:00

Moving right along. The morning sickness is still terrible. I'm sitting here willing myself to not need to throw up. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't...I'm not feeling too hopeful for today. Sigh.

My belly is already poofing out. Definitely not bloat...it's here all day now. I'm shocked at how much quicker this happens the second time around! I know I've just got the look like I need to lay off the junk (which cracks me up since I've LOST four pounds!), but at least I'm closer to having an obvious baby belly. I'll have to get some pictures up soon.

My husband has been so incredible. Our marriage has gone through some major ups and downs in the last few years. It wasn't the best when I was pregnant with Ian, but I didn't realize it then. It's amazing how different it is to be at a great point in marriage during pregnancy. I couldn't see how not "great" we were then until now, if that makes any sense. I don't know how to thank Hazen enough for all he has done for me this pregnancy. He is so helpful and so patient without even being asked. I am really blessed. :)

So THIS is morning sickness...

2010-08-07T14:02:00.002-04:00

I admit, I had it pretty easy with Ian. I was nauseas a lot, but I didn't really throw up. This time is different. At least it has gotten bad enough that I now feel like Baby is doing just fine.

I had this wonderful dinner planned for yesterday. I had the slow cooker going all day with my homemade refried beans. Big mistake. HUGE mistake. A slow cooker filled with beans, onion, garlic, and cumin when your sense of smell is like a hound dog is not smart. Not smart at all. By the time the beans were done, all happy feelings I had started my day with were gone. I was throwing up, I was disgusted, I had to clean the dishes as quickly as possible to get rid of the smell. Ugh.

Today I went to the store and bought a can of beans. No joke. Forget healthy eating...it does me no good if I can't even get it passed my lips! And the thought of my homemade ones make me nauseas, so that's not gonna happen. I even made my homemade guacamole, but it's kind of yucky. I use Hass avocados for my guac. For some reason, the store I went to just had these strange looking avocados that I would have thought were some kind of papaya or something (I don't know what a papaya looks like...these avocados are how I imagine them, though!). They're way too sweet. I don't know how to describe the tast of an avocado but "sweet" is not it.

Calling Monday if the nausea doesn't start to subside. I'm having a very hard time leaving the couch and I have a little boy with a birthday fast approaching. I need to be functional for him. I took some B6 this morning, and that seemed to help a little. The nausea is come and go rather than constant, but it's still way too frequent to make me happy. I've been eating sour candies, and those work until I swallow them. At 140 calories per 6 candies, I can't just eat those all day. Ginger Ale has the same effect...great, until my glass is empty.

Ugh...

6 weeks 5 days

2010-08-04T13:17:00.002-04:00

And we have a heartbeat!!! 140bpm and measuring absolutely perfect. How is it possible to be so in love with something soooo tiny (crown to rump as of today: a whopping 0.83cm)??

Oh, morning sickness

2010-07-31T09:30:00.000-04:00

It found me at 5 weeks, 6 days. The first day, Thursday, I threw up in the morning brushing my teeth. I think that's the worst. You brush your teeth to get your mouth clean and fresh, and throwing up completely destroys that. Then you're afraid to brush your teeth because it might happen again...ugh. I felt fine after that until about noon. After noon the rest of the day was downhill, and I didn't get my nap that day either. i was a nauseas, tired, grouch by bedtime. Yesterday, Friday, I felt pretty good. Again, around noon, I started to go south, but after a two hour nap I was well enough to go to a book club meeting and stay longer than planned. I was the first to cut out, though, because I was about to pass out. Then today I woke up feeling awful, but the house needs to be cleaned and the weather is VERY mild so we need to go to the park. Being pregnant when you already have a kid is much harder, I've decided. It's not like I can veg in bed because I don't feel well, or pass out whenever I want because I'm tired. I just get to suck it up. Oh well...it's worth every second. ;)

5 weeks, 3 days

2010-07-27T07:19:00.000-04:00

I had some spotting starting last Thursday (4 weeks, 6 days). It wasn't much, there was just some orange-red colored streaking in my CM a couple of times when I went to the bathroom. Of course since I've had a miscarriage, it freaked me out a little bit. I've also had a lot of cramping, which I know is normal, but I've had some sharper cramps on the right side. My first pregnancy, the miscarriage, was a suspected ectopic. At 6 weeks, 3 days my hCG was in the low 300s and there was nothing in my uterus. Because of that, I went ahead and called yesterday.

This hospital has a reputation for NOT being good about humoring pregnant women and their fears. I guess when you mention "ectopic", though, they change their tune. They got me in that day with Dr. Elliot (I LOVE her...I think I may request her for my doctor!), and she ran bloodwork for me. My hCG was over 9000, absolutely perfect, so she gave me a quick exam and an ultrasound. I have some irritation which she thinks is probably causing the spotting, and the ultrasound revealed a 5 weeks, 4 days sac and yolk sac in my uterus. Yay! I had some fluid on the right side, so she thinks I probably had a cyst burst which caused the pain. She couldn't find my right ovary, which is something that has happened to me several times...it hides behind my uterus. I've had someone actually ask me if I have both ovaries.

I will go back next Wednesday at 6 weeks, 5 days to make ABSOLUTELY sure I only have the one baby in the right spot, we don't want anybody to be hiding in a tube (only a 1/30000 chance of that, but it does happen), and also to see my beanies heart beat. I can't wait. :)

Oh, she took pictures of the ultrasound and I totally forgot to ask for them, I was just so happy when she told me everything looked perfect. I'm hoping she stuck them in my file...I would LOVE to have them. :)

Spotting

2010-07-23T08:15:00.000-04:00

Had a little bit of spotting last night. Showed up as orange tinted CM when I wiped (sorry for TMI!) and so I did an internal check and it was pink with red streaks. It only happened once, and hasn't happened again since about 6pm last night (it's now 8am). I was pretty upset and crying at the time, but I think it's fine and normal first trimester stuff. I had one instance of spotting with Ian, too, so I'm sure it's okay. I was going to call the hospital today, but I don't know what I expect them to do. I am only 5 weeks today, so not much would show in an ultrasound. I would rather wait another week or so so that I'd have a chance at seeing the heartbeat...today we might only see a sac. So I'm taking it easy today and enjoying games, crafts, and TV with the kid. It's a bit of a bummer because I had a lunch date with some friends, but I'll feel better if I just veg for the day.

Ugh...I need new pregnancy books

2010-07-21T10:25:00.001-04:00

The last time I found out I was pregnant was almost five years ago. I was 21 and I seriously didn't know much about birth or pregnancy. I bought the "right" pregnancy books--What to Expect and Your Pregnancy Week by Week. I was flipping through "Your Pregnancy" today. I was enjoying it at first--I love the illustrations of what the baby looks like each week, what it's doing developmentally, what my body is doing, etc. But then I started to read things about natural birth. "Natural birth" is put in quotations...automatically made me realize it was going to be an anti-natural birth passage. It said to beware of homebirths--there is twice as high of an infant mortality rate. Didn't mention which study they got that info from, though...last I checked, the mortality rate was actually LOWER than births in the hospital. Also said to "beware" of birthing instructors who teach that nobody needs a c-section. Do I think that "nobody" needs a c-section? No, of course not. Do I believe that nearly a third of delivering mothers need one? Again, of course not!

Then I of course noticed that the book is written by an OB and M.S...I have no idea what a M.S. is! I try and google it and I get Multiple Sclerosis and find out that the author has a master's in consumer and family studies. Wha??? Plus, the book was originally written in 1989. Sure, it's undergone some revisions, but it seems some of the 1989 mentality has stubbornly remained anyway.

I don't plan on a homebirth. I don't know that it's even an option living on base. I would like my next birth to be quite a bit more natural than my first. I don't want to be hooked up to twenty censors and machines, I don't want synthetic chemicals to be pumped into my body at such concentrations that I have non-stop contractions, if I need to use the bathroom I want to get up and go to it, not have a bed-pan brought to me like I'm an invalid.

I've grown and learned a bit in the last 5 years...guess it's time my pregnancy library reflects that.

18dpo

2010-07-21T07:35:00.000-04:00

I'm out of tests now. Time to stop peeing and start relaxing (riiiiiight....).

16dpo test

2010-07-19T18:15:00.000-04:00

Think I'm about done testing now. I don't believe it can get much darker than that, but of course if I don't see progression the next time I test it will make me worry...even if there isn't much progressing that can happen. I'm waiting for my call back for my first appointment. They didn't have any appointments open when I called on Thursday so they said they'd have to call me back. I figure if I don't hear by Wednesday I will call again...a week is more than enough time. Hoping I can figure out how to relax and think positive thoughts--this pregnancy is going to go perfectly and I am going to have a beautiful baby at the end of it!

On the agenda for today:

2010-07-14T11:01:00.000-04:00

Deep cleaning! If this pregnancy is anything like the one with Ian, in about a week every smell is going to make me nauseas. Trying to rid the house of any potential smells NOW while I can (just because I can't smell them doesn't mean they're not there!!) so that in a week I can bask in freshness and non-nauseatedness.

Also having my blood test today...eek!!

Took two more tests today (will post later), and they're both darker than yesterday--yay! Trying to stop peeing on things for a couple of days. Wish me luck.

Getting darker

2010-07-13T10:40:00.000-04:00

Feeling a little better today.

10dpo:

9-10dpo (9dpo say 8dpo because my ovulation date hadn't changed yet--I agree with where it is now):

Can't think of a title today...

2010-07-13T06:20:00.001-04:00

How silly and lame is that? I am completely brain dead. I have been up since 5am after a night of poor sleep, so I guess I can be forgiven, right?

My crosshairs got moved today so it looks like I was actually 9dpo yesterday rather than 8. I'm happy with that--I'm a day further along than I thought and BFPs at 9dpo is nothing to be upset over!

I don't want to have my blood drawn until I'm SURE they will call me with news to make me smile. I had planned to wait until Friday, but I think I'll bump it up to Thursday since I'm a day further than I thought. Plus, this way I hopefully won't have to wait over the weekend to get my results.

I'm going to get more tests this morning once Ian wakes up. I'm going to take one a day over the next few days to make sure my lines are getting darker. They were so light yesterday that it's a little nerve-wracking, but I know light lines are to be expected that early.

I am so in denial right now. This doesn't seem real.

Well...

2010-07-12T19:30:00.000-04:00

I'm pregnant.

If you're a reader---PLEASE don't say anything outside of this blog. We won't be announcing to family until we hear the heartbeat. I am reeeeally early...like just over 3 weeks early.

8 DPO

2010-07-12T08:30:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling really hopeful. I shouldn't be allowing myself to feel hopeful, but I can't seem to help it. I'm hopeful. The shift in my temperatures is the most obvious it has been in TWO YEARS. I ovulated on day 17--completely out of the realm of "normal" for me. Our timing couldn't have been any better. So...I'm hopeful.

I took a OPK on 5dpo because I'm obsessed with peeing on things and I had a couple left. I got a fairly dark line. So yesterday, 7dpo, I went ahead and peed on another one--another fairly dark line, slightly darker than the one on 5dpo. Progressing OPKs in the TWW can be a good thing, though I'm doing it way too early and probably looking too much into it.

Here are the OPKs--the top is 5dpo and the bottom is 7dpo. It's hard to see a difference in the picture, and the difference was more obvious when they were wet, but 7dpo is slightly darker (and I'm now out of OPKs, so this "experiment" has come to an end):

And here is yesterday's HPT that I took like a crazy person. Yes, it's negative:

So, my "symptoms". These are not things I've been looking for, but they've been unmistakable when they've happened. At 3dpo, I had very sharp and low cramping/pains off and on all day. It alternated from side to side, mostly on the right, but switching to the left enough to make me stop freaking out about an ectopic (my miscarriage was ruled a possible ectopic, so I get a little paranoid about them now). They were very low in my pelvis, like almost touching the tops of my legs is how low these pains were. They were also very sharp, taking my breath away a couple of times. They continued through part of 4dpo, then stopped and were replaced by some dull menstrual-like cramping. Nothing too uncomfortable, though, and the cramping is very minimal now.

The other just started today. This is TMI, but my boobs are pretty sore only around my nipples. I can't even explain the way it feels, though. It's like it's near the surface, but it also feels deeper at the same time. They don't hurt if I poke at them or anything, it's just like an internal pain. It's not something I remember feeling before. I'm hoping that new is good.

So, that's it. Hoping to hold out on testing for a few more days, but I know myself too well to think I'll actually do it. ;)

Very excited

2010-07-06T08:29:00.000-04:00

My temp has been way up the last two days, which is so exciting. The shift on my chart is very obvious. Looking back over the last year or so, my shifts were pretty weak, if I even had one at all. I recently read something that said, while not guaranteed in any way, a nice rise after ovulation can be a good sign. If nothing else, it means I had a happy, healthy egg, and that's all I can really hope for, right? I will temp tomorrow morning and then the thermometer is going away for the rest of my cycle. I read too much into temps during the TWW and I am reeeeeeally trying to not stress myself out this time. My saliva scope has already been put on a break. I had no ferning yesterday and that's all I need to know.

On Saturday one of our pastors is coming to our small group to lay hands on those of us who are wishing to become pregnant. I am so excited to get just a little bit of an extra boost in the prayer department. Can't hurt. ;)

Ovulating!

2010-07-04T07:35:00.000-04:00

Today is CD 17, and I'm 90% sure I either o'd late into the night yesterday/this morning or I will today (temp wasn't where it should be if I had o'd yesterday). I had a blazingly positive OPK on Friday CD 15 (shock of all shocks, I can't even tell you!):

and then two maaaaaaybe positive OPKs yesterday (top is 5:30pm, bottom is 8:30pm):

I generally have two positives, and o the day of the second. I was a little worried that yesterday would be o day because we bd'd on Friday, but my CM and CP weren't quite where I wanted them and, since we were on vacation, I didn't have my Preseed. As it was, the OPKs were brought as kind of a "maybe I'll test while we're there...just in case" thing, but I really wasn't expecting to actually see a positive. Yesterday, however, I was obviously fertile. Everything was lining up perfectly, and we got our bd in. I generally see two days of HSO and EWCM, though, so really hoping today is my second day and we can one more "good" session in today at some point.

As far as I can tell, Hazen doesn't know I'm ovulating. He knows it's too early for me (ha!!!). It's best when he doesn't know...he doesn't do stress well. ;)

I'm a little annoyed with myself. I've already convinced myself that this cycle is IT. I mean, I never ovulate this early. Both times I've gotten pregnant, we've been on vacation. I ovulated at the perfect time when we conceived Ian, with almost a week beforehand of not being able to bd. This cycle is just following that pattern. and while I know I shouldn't get my hopes up (again), part of me also can't help but think a little positive thinking can't hurt. Right?

And onto the next cycle

2010-06-19T23:58:00.000-04:00

I don't even know what number we're on anymore. 22? 24? Who knows?

I'm pretty sure the last one was annovulatory. It was 42 days long, confusing, and just miserable. Of course, the day my period arrives I get a call back from the referral people. It's gone through, they have it, but there are no appointments available right now. They will call me when something opens up...in July or August. Yaaaaaay me.

So now we wait. For this period and the cramps to end (they are worsening again...feeling concerned that the endo is on it's way back after 9 1/2 months), and for an appointment to become available. Sigh.

18? 29? 31? 35? 26?

2010-06-14T09:16:00.000-04:00

Those are all the days I have managed to get crosshairs for this cycle. I think I'm just gonna call it quits for this cycle...stop temping, stop playin with my spit. My only fertile signs of the entire cycle were around day 26 so if ANY of those are right, I think day 26 would be it. But the signs weren't nearly as obvious as usual, which really makes me doubt it. And obviously my shift wasn't super clear or all those other days would have never been in the running.

If day 26 is right, though, I am 13dpo. My lp is normally 12 days. Guess we'll see what happens over the next couple of days. ;)

The saliva scope

2010-06-13T08:03:00.000-04:00

This thing is kind of complicated. Oftentimes when I wake up, my mouth is kind of dry and cottony. If I put dry, cottony spit on the thing, it just really doesn't work well. If I put too much saliva on it, I also end up with a mess. So I have to find the right balance of when I've been awake for a little bit and my mouth has rehydrated, but I still haven't had anything to eat and drink, and also make sure I get enough on there but not TOO much. And of course I've already dropped the little lens part a few times and now it's cracked. Thankfully the crack is on an edge and I can't even see it when I'm looking through it. Using it for one cycle would defeat the purpose since I bought it in an attempt to save money on OPKs.

More partial ferning today--looks good! My temp was down a bit today, and my chart has now moved my crosshairs to day 31 which I know is still not right. I'm hoping my signs continue to improve and that I have a clear shift in the next few days.

If things stay so completely unpredictable and my period still hasn't come, I think I'll go ahead and take a test around day 50 (I'm on day 38 now). I definitely don't think that could be considered testing "too early". ;)

Woo-hoo!!

2010-06-12T08:02:00.000-04:00

I think I'm finally gearing up to ovulate! My chart and temps are claiming I already did, but my CP was seriously soooo infertile on the three days it's jumping between (18, 29, and 35). Things have been so not cooperative that I've only had one day where I thought using my Preseed might help. By the next day, all the fertile signs I thought were starting were gone...I think that was about two weeks ago. BUT I just checked my CP and it's actually moving into a fertile position now AND I've now had two days in a row of partial ferning. It's actually kind of cool--there were some ferns the first day, and now today there is a decent amount, enough to make me debate between calling it partial ferning and full. I'm going with partial, though, because they're smaller and still mixed in with some dots.

This is so freaking exciting--CD 37 and I think I'm finally getting ready to ovulate. Woo-hoo!!!!

SUUUUUUCKS

2010-06-11T08:31:00.000-04:00

I think my ovulation date of day 29 is right based on temps and what my CP is doing now. The problem with it is that we bd'd that day, but according to my chart my CP was already firm and closed. I doubt anything was able to get where it needed to with that situation. We didn't bd for three days before that. Ugh. Guess I'll just wait for my period to come and start fresh next cycle. What an absolute bust--my fertility signs were practically non-existent this cycle. Gah.

www.fertilityfriend.com/home/b7dd7

Silly, silly body

2010-06-09T08:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, my chart gave me crosshairs for waaaaay back on CD 18...seeing as my temps were all over the place and I was on day 33 at the time, I really wasn't buying that. Today, it has moved them to CD29, which maaaay be possible, but based on my CM and CP I really don't think I o'd that day, or any day around there. This is my first cycle with a saliva scope, so I'm admittedly still figuring it out. But after days of little dots and lines and nothingness, I have full ferning today. No partial ferns in random places amongst the dots and lines, but full blown big ferns all over the place. I should have had partial ferning leading up to this if it was indicative of ovulation, but I didn't. So I'm thinking my period might be on the way and this is just showing the estrogen surge that can happen around then. I really have no idea.

And I'm worried my endometriosis is coming back. My cycles are getting strange again--this is my second anovulatory cycle in three cycles...not good (I don't think I o'd, like I said). And (TMI coming) after sex last night I was really crampy. That hasn't happened to me in awhile, but this was pretty bad to the point it was hard to fall asleep and I still had dull cramping when I woke up.

On the positive side, though, we had a message from the referral office yesterday, so I will be calling for my appointment for OB today--yay!

High Blood Pressure

2010-06-07T15:48:00.000-04:00

This kind of makes me laugh. Got a fun pamphlet from Tricare in the mail today--"How to Lower your High Blood Pressure". Goes on to tell me who high blood pressure is most common in:

Over 55---nope
Overweight---nope
Physically inactive---nope
High sodium diet---nope
Diabetes---nope
Heavy drinker---nope
Smoker---nope

Why is it so hard to take my word for it that maybe, JUUUUUUST maybe, my blood pressure was high because I was a little nervous and stressed out? Oy.

Okay, I lied

2010-06-06T08:50:00.000-04:00

I know I said I didn't care if this cycle lasted forever and I never ovulated. But I kinda do care. A lot. I'm very annoyed that I'm on day 31 and have NOTHING happening. I've had lots of creamy CM the last few days, but nothing else. Kind of tempted to take a pg test just in case. I know it would be negative, I have absolutely no reason to think otherwise, but the lack of EWCM and my cervix being as totally as incooperative as it's being makes me think I should check *just in case*. Again, expecting a negative, but whenever I have an icky cycle I test so I can completely rule that out when I call to complain about a long cycle. And really, day 31 isn't THAT long. It's just that it's day 31 without having ovulated at all. THAT feels like a very long time. And my lp is about 12 days, so that would put me at a 43day cycle if I o'd today...which I won't. Or the next day, or the next day (I've been at this long enough to know when o is imminent and it is soooo not!).

What frustrates me the most, I think, is that I've made changes this cycle. I'm not really stressed about anything, I've switched to organic whole milk, I'm canning my own flipping tomatoes for goodness sakes!! So whhhhhhyyyyy is my body being such a stubborn cow THIS time? I mean sure, the cycles where I probably had too much to drink or ate out more than I should, I get. My bad. But this one? Gah.

Appointment

2010-06-03T11:02:00.000-04:00

We got to my appointment 15 minutes early and then waited for about 45 to be seen. Poor kiddo was starting to get pretty antsy before we even got back!

They brought me back to take my weight, and asked if I had someone to watch Ian because he wouldn't be allowed in the room with me during the pap. I wanted to tell them "if I had someone to watch him, don't you think I would have done that??". I was surprised because after asking around, even asking some military moms, it didn't seem like it would be that big of a deal to bring him. Guess I was wrong.

Thankfully a technician was able to take him for my pap, and I grabbed him once I was dressed and brought him back to the room with me while we talked to the doctor. Based on how long we've been trying and my history, she went ahead and put in a referal to OB for me. So I should be getting a phone call from the referal office next week and then we will set up an appointment sometime in the future (hoping that OB has a shorter wait than family practice!). It definitely helped that I was 28 days into my cycle and that my last period was kind of weird (lasted 6ish days, stopped for a day, started again, stopped again...).

Very excited to get back to taking this TTC thing seriously!

Cycle Day 26

2010-06-01T08:16:00.001-04:00

Temp is still down, CM and CP are being COMPLETLEY incooperative, the ferning that started is now gone. I'm either heading for a very late ovulation or a completely anovulatory cycle. I'm actually hoping I can convince my doctor to run a progesterone test on Thursday just so I can show her that I really do have late/non existent ovulations, despite what my last doc mentioned about "32 day average".

The plus side is I decided to go ahead and bring Ian to my appointment with me (thanks Nicole!). I'm going to bribe him to be willing to hold still by getting him a new toy that morning. Some sort of coloring set or something...haven't decided yet.

Oh, I was readiing over my records again and came across something interesting. There was a cycle that I had to use Prometrium to get my period to stop (lasted 3 weeks), and about two days into it my temp went up. I didn't know if maybe I had ovulated or if it was the Prometrium that caused it. Since Prometrium is progesterone, it's very possible that it caused the temp rise, but I decided to call and ask my doctor because I was just genuinely curious. Anyway, in my chart, he wrote (I'm paraphrasing) "Temp rise likely not related to ovulation. unlikely that would happen on prometrium, but it could. Mild rise in temp could be related to too much sun, etc." Too much sun? TOO MUCH SUN? Does he know how BBT charting works? First thing in the morning, while I'm still in bed. It's not like I sleep outside in the sunshine. And as for the "mild" remark--it was over half a degree. Not a mild rise at all in BBT charting. Grrr..

Sigh

2010-05-27T11:18:00.000-04:00

Looks like I have to reschedule my appointment. Will be lucky to be seen before July. I can't get a babysitter for Ian that I'm comfortable with, and the one I found can't take him because he is missing one form in his childcare packet for the base and his doctor won't sign it unless I have a specific appointment for that, despite the fact I've seen her twice this week. I'm going to wait until next week to reschedule in case by some miracle I manage to get him seen or find someone else to watch him...we will see I guess.

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

2010-05-26T08:10:00.000-04:00

Cycle Day 20. Absolutely NO SIGN of an impending ovulation. Crummy CM, crummy CP, no ferning...na-da. I'm disappointed about this, obviously. It really stinks to be irregular and have no idea when/if you're going to ovulate. BUT I have found a plus side (there is always a plus side!):

I have a doctor's appointment in eight days with a doctor I have never seen before. I am seeing her on day 28, the day that is a "normal" cycle length according to a lot of doctors (silly, silly doctors...I would like to know if every female doctor seriously has a 28 day cycle?). I will, at most be 4 days past ovulation based on where I am now (nowhere). It will make a very good argument for me to push for testing, since I'd like all the typical bloodwork to be done and for Clomid or Femara or SOMETHING to help me ovulate a decent egg at a decent time.

I got my medical records from my past doctor. And I really like him, but one thing that annoyed me is that, based on me telling him my cycles ranged from 27-37 days in the year leading up to me originally seeing him, he deduced that I have a cycle that averages 32 days, and it's in my charts. That is not an average...I think that's a mean, if I'm remembering my algebra correctly? My average would be closer to the 37 day point when the number of 27, 28, 29 day cycles are added to the number of 35, 36, 37 day cycles...you know, when a REAL average is found. So I hate that "average of 32 days" is in my records when 32 is a perfectly acceptable cycle length (I would love that!). His nurse also put that we had tried for 18 months for Ian...we tried for 28. Oh well. I guess I'll just try and spit all this out in the 3 minutes I'll be allowed to talk with my new doctor.

Saliva Scope on the way!

2010-05-17T09:08:00.000-04:00

I just ordered my saliva scope. I ordered the one with the highest reviews online and also got it on sale. After adding priority shipping (1-3 business days), my grand total was a whopping $33.90. Total score seeing as I spend that much in ONE CYCLE on OPKs, and I can use this over and over again.

Very excited to get it and start trying it out. Won't be temping this cycle, will just use the scope and track my CM and CP. Doctor's appointment on June 3...hoping to get myself some referrals.

Adoption

2010-05-08T20:33:00.000-04:00

We've talked about adoption. It's something we would like to do in the future, when our kids are older. It's something I've considered may be the only way of expanding our family since, medically, I don't know how far I am willing to go to have another biological child.

Last night I had a dream that we adopted a brother and a sister. And today, I woke up with this incredible peace knowing that if that is the only way our family can expand, that's okay. I'll be okay. The point is not pregnancy and newborns, though I absolutely LOVED and miss those times, the point is a house full of happy, thriving children. How they get here really doesn't matter.

So I've spent time seriously researching adoption for the first time. We've talked about Africa and China, and so I looked more into that. The cost has been a big hindrance in our minds, but today I found out there are special loans available specifically to aide in adoption, and there is also a pretty large tax credit that would off-set a very large portion of the cost. So the money factor (or the lack of it) has become less important.

It's not something we're going to jump into today. For one thing, being in our current location for such a short amount of time really makes this not the ideal time. For another, I want Ian to always be my oldest child, but I don't want to set our age requirements so low. We are going to continue trying, I will go see my doctor this month like I'm supposed to, and we will decide how far we are willing to go. But if it doesn't happen, it doesn't feel like it will be the end of the world (at least not today!).

So, when we adopt in the future, I will be okay with it. If it happens years down the road after another biological baby or two, or if it happens fairly soon without anymore biological children, I'll be okay.

Cycle 23, here we come!

2010-05-07T15:48:00.000-04:00

Period finally showed today. Called and requested my medical records yesterday so should be receiving those soon. Will call next week to set up my annual exam and get my referal to OB to start testing again. Will likely go pick up a saliva scope tomorrow--supposedly Walgreens and CVS sell them. If not, I can order it online with free shipping.

I'm in a good mood--it's okay!

Sure I'm out again

2010-05-07T09:04:00.000-04:00

Test on Wednesday (12dpo) was negative. Temp took a nosedive yesterday and had some pinkish CM. Temp is still down today, so expect I will start today (thought I was going to yesterday but it didn't happen...this cycle is really enjoying messing with me).

Going to get a saliva scope when AF finally shows. Figure I'll spend $40 once rather than $13-$30 every cycle on OPKs since my ovulation varies so much. Gets very irritating to run out of OPKs and have to run for more! Trying to plan it so I only temp for a week or two this month. Going to start around day 14, then will temp until my three temps combined with the saliva scope ferning verify ovulation. Temping gets too obsessive sometimes.

Insensitive comment of the day

2010-05-05T07:53:00.000-04:00

"Keep the faith ladies!", spoken by someone in a TTC buddy group who got her positive test on her SECOND cycle TTC. That's almost as bad as "Finally!! It took us three months!!"

Gah.

Busted...

2010-05-04T06:53:00.000-04:00

Hubby has found the blog and knows about my crazy escapades. Oops.

Yesterday pulled out my "big guns" and used a FRER despite my better judgement (temp PLUMMETED to 97.8)--negative. However, I had a little spotting that only lasted for one trip to the bathroom (TMI, I know), and my temp has recovered nicely today--98.6, the highest this cycle. If my period stays away and my temp is still up tomorrow, I may try my second test. Thinking about waiting until Thursday though.

Was so sure I was out yesterday, but now with the temp rise...hmm.

I broke...

2010-05-01T06:01:00.000-04:00

...and tested at 7dpo.

Super light. Waiting to retest on Monday. I have no willpower. :p

National Infertility Awareness Week

2010-04-30T08:18:00.001-04:00

National Infertility Awareness Week runs through tomorrow, May 1. I've decided against posting this to Facebook or anywhere public because I really prefer to not make people uncomfortable and because admitting infertility has a way of bringing forward lots of "helpful" comments ("just relax" "it will happen when it's supposed to" "feel fortunate you have one child" "I wish I couldn't get pregnant!" to name a few).

So, it's a special week for me, but I'll just let myself and my couple of readers know that it exists. Because I don't want helpful comments and I really don't want to feel like my infertility matters less because I already have a kiddo (let's ignore the 28 months it took to get pregnant with him). It still sucks, for some of the same reasons and for some different ones than those without any children experience. So I'll celebrate my week...quietly. ;)

5 DPO...still haven't tested (go me!)

2010-04-28T08:09:00.000-04:00

You would think that there would be no urge to test at 5dpo (or 2 or 3 or 4) but you would be wrong. I ordered far too many tests the cycle I got pregnant with Ian, and started using them at 2dpo, the started showing liiiiiiight maaaaaaaybe positives at 7dpo, and I was out by 9dpo. At 10dpo I pulled out the big guns (digitals) and got my positive on those and a positive blood test.

So, I have two internet tests. I am waiting until 10dpo, Monday, to use one. I figure it will be easy to get through the next few days since I'm so busy trying to finish my house (today, the computer room!). Then we have the weekend, and Hazen will be here. He lets me know I'm crazy, so I prefer to test without him around. ;) Then there is Monday, 10dpo. I will test in the afternoon since my tests looked much nicer then with Ian. If I see something, I will go to the store and get a better test. If I see nothing, I will wait until Wednesday to test again. Period is due around Thursday.

I should be able to stick to this. I hope. For some reason I have a "feeling" this cycle, but that might just be because we did everything right. I've had "feelings" before that meant nothing, so I'm going to try and ignore it and wait until Monday anyway.

Ovulation confirmed!

2010-04-26T09:08:00.000-04:00

I am now 3dpo. I only have two internet test strips, so I'm going to try VERY HARD to be good and not test until next week. Fingers crossed!!

No temp rise

2010-04-23T09:29:00.000-04:00

Really thought yesterday was going to be o day, but apparently not. My temp still hasn't gone up. I have hope that my temp will rise tomorrow. I'm just afraid of us getting worn out and missing an optimal day. I know I shouldn't worry too much about it, we have our bases pretty well covered, but I want ALL our bases covered. Next cycle will probably be another "break" cycle. I have to take those every-so-often or I get crazy. :p

Another beautiful OPK!

2010-04-22T12:37:00.000-04:00

I just had to share. Positive OPKs make me happy. :)

Today I'm having serious cramping. I feel like my period is coming, but seeing as I'm just now ovulating that's obviously impossible. Maybe it's my first experience with o pain? All I can do is hope that it's a good sign!

Woo-hoo!

2010-04-21T11:22:00.000-04:00

Positive OPK!!! It never fails--if I complain, I will look like a dummy. ;)

It might be a haaaaair lighter than the control line, but I took it two hours earlier than I normally do and with more fluids than I like to have before using one. Based on my previous cycles with OPKs, I should have another positive tomorrow and ovulate tomorrow. Yeah! :)

Cycle Day 21

2010-04-21T10:09:00.000-04:00

And I am still waiting to ovulate. I get so annoyed at having long cycles. I still haven't made my appointment with my PCM either...I really need to get on that. It's hard to schedule these appointments. I don't want an annual to interfere with my ovulating (that goo they use is not very TTC friendly!) and I also don't ever know exactly when to expect my period. It really stinks to get it scheduled and have to call and re-schedule! Oh well.

My OPKs are still as negative as negative gets. My CM and CP are starting to do more exciting things, though, so I'm hopeful for a positive or almost positive today. I've been using the Preseed and I hope it is helping. I just hope to ovulate before I run out!

I've been thinking about trying to get pregnant with Ian a lot lately. It took 22 months of me being off birth control to get pregnant with our miscarriage. It took another 6 months of active trying to get pregnant with Ian. I feel like we are behind this time around. I know I can't compare the two, but we have been ACTIVELY trying since October 2008...that's 18 months! And there were about 5 months before that of if it happens it happens.

I know that combined Hazen and I have problems, but those problems aren't so big that we shouldn't be able to get pregnant. Granted it will take a *little* longer, but it should still happen. My tube is open, my endo is cauterized. His swimmers are lazy and the liquefaction is an issue, but none of these problems are THAT big. I don't know. I guess I'm just putting too much hope into the Preseed being our "cure". I've been putting off more invasive treatments because I just don't want to go that route. But I don't know how much longer I'm willing to go without a pregnancy either.

Ugh...if I would just ovulate I think I would feel more cheerful!

I'm baaaack!

2010-04-14T08:32:00.000-04:00

Not much to report on the TTC front. We are still not pregnant. Still trying. That's about it!

We had a one cycle, forced break while Hazen was in Texas in January. That was kind of nice--no tests, no temperatures, just not thinking about it. In February I went to visit him the week I ovulated...no luck. I think with moving March was anovulatory. I don't have any real way to prove that since I wasn't really tracking my cycle, but my cervix didn't do what it normally does after ovulation. My period was also very light, with one full day of light flow, and four days of on and off spotting. It was weird, but also kind of helps my theory that I didn't ovulate that cycle.

THIS month, we are trying Preseed for the first time, but Hazen doesn't know it. It's a sperm friendly lubricant, the only one that is allowed to say it's safe for TTC. We are trying it because with Hazen's liquefaction and motility problems, the better my fluids, the better chance his healthy sperm have of getting where they need to go. So I'm going to use it when I start to show some fertile signs without telling my dear husband. I've heard of other husbands claiming they don't like it when they know about it, but having no complaints when they don't know it's there. Don't want to add any mind games to my poor hubby!

I'm also using OPKs and charting again, but leaving Hazen completely in the dark on those results. As of yesterday, CD 13, OPKs were negative but that is no surprise considering I don't expect to ovulate for at least another 4-7 days.

I will be making an appointment with my new PCM this month. It's time for my annual anyway, and I will ask for a referral to OB then.

So that's where we are. Just moving along...

TTC on hold

2010-01-01T11:49:00.000-05:00

Well, we are on hold for 2 months. Hazen leaves for training in Texas on Monday, cycle day 10. There is absolutely no way I'll be ovulating anywhere near there, so this month is out. He will be gone until March 10 or 11. We will both be on supplements (Fertilaid) and I will undergo testing for PCOS. That is about all we can do while we wait.

Hopefully we have a reunion baby. We got pregnant with our miscarriage right after a deployment (deployment babies are very common!). :)

OPK, OPK, OPK

2009-12-15T15:33:00.000-05:00

I'm on my fourth straight day of positive OPKs. I usually get two positives--the day before and the day of o. I think my o day was Sunday based on my CM and CP, but here it is Tuesday and my darn tests are still blazingly positive (MUCH more positive than the set of tests I posted before. Now I know how these tests look when they're positive!).

It's so typical that weird things would happen when I decide to put the thermometer away for a cycle. ;)

Annoying signs!!!

2009-12-08T11:29:00.000-05:00

I decided not to temp this cycle. I really stress myself out. So I thought I'd get some OPKs to help me determine when I ovulate, just so I have some idea. Turns out, that might be more stressful than just not knowing. They have all been almost positive!! How does that happen??

These were taken (in order) on day 10 at 12:30pm, day 11 at 12:30pm, day 12 at 11:30am and 3:30pm, and day 13 at 12:30pm and 7pm.

My CM and CP were fertile on days 11 and 12, and now everything is closed and dried up (wow, TMI) as if I've already o'd. But I haven't had a blazingly positive OPK.

I've never used this brand before, so I guess I'm just learning how they work for me. But I have to say this is annoying.

Okay, done with the pity party!

2009-12-06T10:29:00.000-05:00

The day I got the semen analysis results, I was pretty upset. But I'm okay now. It's fine. :)

I took the soy on days 1-5, like I planned, and lowered the dose from 160mg to 120mg. I'm taking Mucinex every 4 hours, and it seems to be helping with the CM. I want to try Preseed, a lubricant that is supposed to be sperm friendly and help out if you don't have much, but we don't have a nearby store that carries it, so I would have to order it. I'm hoping for an early-ish ovulation since I took the soy, and my OPKs are already almost positive. So I'm not going to attempt to order something that I can't be sure will make it here on time. If we don't get pregnant this cycle, Hazen is going to Texas for two months, so I will spend that time getting our referrals and ordering Preseed and fun things like that. It will work out. :)

Hazen is taking his supplements and will continue to do so while he's in Texas. I'm taking all my vitamins and doing what I'm supposed to also. We won't be able to go to Missoula. There is no way I'm abstaining while I'm possibly fertile (no sex allowed for 2-7 days before a S/A) and after that we'll be moving and changing doctors and everything anyway. So we'll have to pay for one when in a couple of months when he gets back in. No biggie.

Just gotta stay optimistic. :)

Repeat S/A came back

2009-12-03T17:30:00.001-05:00

And the results aren't good. :( His count and everything is up (yay!) but his motility is still really low--41%. "Normal" is between 40-100 with 50% or higher being preferred. His liquefaction is also not normal. It should turn to a liquid state within 30 minutes, and his doesn't do that. So we have to go to Missoula (about 100 miles away) and have a more thorough test done.

So, I'm going to have us try a couple of things. Both of us are going to take Robitussin. It can help thin out my mucus around ovulation a little more so that if his little swimmers can make it to my CM, then the fact that his semen doesn't liquify won't be a big deal. He can take Robitussin to help thin his semen a little bit as well, which will hopefully help his little guys swim a little better. He's also going to take L-Carnitine and Zinc supplements.

That's all we can do. I don't know what else to try. IUI isn't an option right now, we can't afford it. I just can't believe this has been so hard. There are all sorts of questionable people that can get knocked up over and over again. And I can't. I don't understand it sometimes. I know there must be a reason, but sometimes it's hard to remember that.

Woo-hoo!!!

2009-11-30T12:39:00.000-05:00

My friend got her numbers back--beta was 213! That's a doubling time of less than 44 hours, which is so completely perfect!

Yes!!!

Updates, updates

2009-11-30T10:19:00.000-05:00

My period showed Wednesday afternoon. Because of that, there was no chance for Clomid this cycle. Not enough notice to get in on CD 1, Thanksgiving was CD 2, and we were out of town on CD 3. Oh well--hopefully it's a sign that things are going to go fine on their own. ;)

Hazen did his repeat semen analysis on Wednesday. If the results are the same or better we're going to try SMEP--the sperm meets egg plan. If it's worse, we'll keep doing every-other-day and start our IUI fund.

SMEP is basically having sex every other day. You start taking OPKs around day 10 (I'll probably wait until day 12 since the odds of me ovulating between day 10 and 12 are about zero!!) and then "baby dance" the day of the positive OPK and the two following days. After that, we'll keep it up for every-other-day until either a positive pregnancy test--FINGERS CROSSED!!--or my next period.

I'm not going to chart. It was stressing me out. I will monitor my CM and CP, and will also be taking Mucinex or Robitussin starting on day 13 to help with my fertile CM. The plan is to not take a pregnancy test until 15 days after my first positive OPK. I am going to get the 20 pack of Answer dip strip OPKs because those 7 packs never end up being enough for me. The catch with those is that you have to use the entire pack within 30 days of opening the package. So I will use them up even after I know I've ovulated. I had positive OPKs the same day I got a positive digital with Ian, so it will be my way of testing without actually testing. I'm so sneaky. ;)

Still waiting on the witch

2009-11-25T11:05:00.000-05:00

But I'm pretty sure she'll be here today. Temp was down another .2 degrees and I'm feeling pretty crampy and nauseas. I'll just be happy to see the end of this cycle and get on to the next one. Fertility Friend has changed my crosshairs FOUR TIMES this cycle. Started on Day 11 (which I didn't believe), then to Day 19 (that seemed more realistic), then yesterday it went to Day 23, and then today moved it to Day 21. So I am between 12 and 24dpo. I'm ready to just move on. ;)

Well, there was talk that maybe I could do the Clomid before the repeat S/A. But since I have to have an ultrasound between day 1 and 3, it's not going to happen. I expect my wonderful period to start today, but since it hasn't yet, it's likely it will start too late to get in for an ultrasound today. Tomorrow is a holiday, and day 3 will be spent 100 miles away at my dad's. So, no ultrasound means no Clomid. Which is okay. Our original plan was to wait until the new year, so we'll just stick with that plan. I'm hoping my charts have enough info in them that the Air Force won't give me a hard time when it comes to making appointments and getting treatment and all that. If we get Malmstrom I suspect it will be easier. They were great about getting us in within a couple of days when Ian and I moved up here while Hazen was deployed. Nellis was bad...they wanted me to wait three weeks to get an ultrasound when I had already been bleeding for 6 weeks (I had the first post partum period from Hell...). So it all depends on the base how quickly things will go...come on Malmstrom!

I'm in a much better mood today. I let myself get too hopeful this last cycle, so the "no" was a little harder than usual to take. That's okay. I've learned from it, I won't make that mistake again! I'm thinking I won't even chart this next cycle. Just go with the flow and see what happens. It sounds relaxing. ;)

No Clomid

2009-11-23T17:53:00.000-05:00

They want us to do a repeat semen analysis before we can do the Clomid. Hazen had already planned to do that this Wednesday, but since we have to wait on the results and I am 14dpo...there is no way I can start it this next cycle. They also want me to come in for an ultrasound between days 1 and 3 before I can start the Clomid to make sure everything looks good. The plus side is that I am 14dpo...my luteal phase has been averaging 10 to 12 days, and this is two cycles in a row of at least 13 days. Not bad!

Waiting for Clomid sucks for a couple of reasons. The main one is that we should have orders within the next couple of weeks. Which means we're moving and I won't have my doctor anymore. Which means I'll likely be at the mercy of military doctors and have to start everything FROM THE BEGINNING. I will have to see my primary care doctor and get a referral to an OB or RE. I will possibly have to do more testing despite the fact that I've already had it done. Since everything has to be done on specific cycle days, the testing alone can put us back a couple of cycles (and this is after we wait for our referral). So if we can even start Clomid before the 6 month mark that endo "generally" starts to come back, it will be amazing. And then of course it sucks because this is a decision we've been struggling with and we've finally made it and now we get to wait.

Oh well. All we can do is keep trying. ;)

Tough week

2009-11-22T10:25:00.000-05:00

I tested on Friday--Big Fat Negative. Sigh. I was only 11dpo, and I know that's early and there is a chance I could still get a positive this cycle (as long as I don't have my period there is a chance) but I'm really not feeling it anymore. I'm 13dpo right now and thought I would re-test today, but I don't think I will. I have no real desire to do so. Plus, my temp has been down a little the last two days (not a lot--from 98.8 to 98.6) but I'm really crampy and my boobs are starting to hurt--sure signs that af is on the way. I think I will test again on Tuesday if my period doesn't start by then. But my luteal phase is normally 12 days, so I expect it to be here today or tomorrow. Hopefully she's at least nice to me this month. Last month was bad.

So, we've decided to do Clomid. I'm going to call tomorrow to get the prescription called in and find out what kind of monitoring I'll be under, if any. I don't think my doctor monitors for the first couple of cycles. I'm pretty sure he'll just have me do 50mg days 3-7 and then if I don't get pregnant, we'll bump it up to 100mg the next cycle (that seems to be the standard). After that, we might start monitoring to see what the ol' ovaries are up to during the cycle. The crappy thing with endo is that it's possible that Clomid can make it grow back faster. I have a mild case, so hopefully it's not a problem.

I think I've figured out why I keep putting off the Clomid. He told me in July he would call it in, but because of the blocked tube, there was no way to be sure of the results. So I decided to wait to have the tube fixed. Then, in September, we got the tube fixed, the endo diagnosed and cauterized, and felt so optimistic. The plan was to wait until 2010 to go for the Clomid. But now? the real reason I'm putting it off until 2010 is that I'm afraid it won't work. If it doesn't work, then what? Then we try IUI. What if that doesn't work? IVF? We've already decided that's further than we want to go. So it's scary. It's like we're checking off things that don't work. And the more we check off, the less we have left. So yes, I haven't started Clomid yet because I'm afraid of it.

Hazen has been confident this entire 19 (almost 20!!!) months. He keeps telling me not to worry so much about it, that it will happen. This cycle, I felt so sure it was "it" that I blabbed it to him. So when I tested, we were both crushed. For the first time, he was willing to talk about it, and he's scared, too. I feel bad for dragging him into my madness. Yesterday he asked me how much infertility Tricare (military insurance) covers. I asked him if he was starting to worry that we weren't going to be able to get pregnant and he said "I don't know. Maybe". So my rock is starting to crumble, and I'm partially to blame. Sucks.

And I was just saying that I'm too "new" in the infertility thing to fit in there and too far into it to fit in with the normal "FINALLY after four months I'm pregnant!!" girls (yes, they say that...finally. Psssh). But we're heading into month 20 in a week. I'm starting to fit more into the infertility group than I wanted to.

Update to the possible "symptoms"

2009-11-20T13:23:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had extreme heartburn after lunch. I never get heartburn. We still have the same TUMS in the cupboard from the end of my pregnancy with Ian (when I actually did get heartburn...we should probably toss those). Probably nothing, but I'd like to note it in case it is something.

Today I'm starving. Although when pregnant with Ian I had NO appetite in the beginning. So we'll see what that means.

Testing tonight...very nervous.

Realized I have a tiny dilemma...

2009-11-19T12:51:00.001-05:00

When/if I finally get pregnant, we don't plan to make the big announcement until 12 weeks (although if it happens this month, I may cave around Christmas). So I'm not really sure how to handle it on my blog. Since I'm pretty sure I only have a couple of readers, I think I might block this and "invite" people to read it. I thought about just not posting anymore, but that would give me away. Hmm.

BTW, I didn't test yesterday. I'm going to test tomorrow evening (11dpo). My temp is still WAY UP and I'm still feeling funky. i had another weird dream last night, so I hope it means something. The cramping at this point makes me uneasy, though. At 2dpo, it was kind of exciting; at 10dpo, it makes me think my cycle is coming to an end. Sigh.

Oh goodness, I am a mess

2009-11-18T13:10:00.000-05:00

I try not to be that person that obsesses during the 2ww. But it is all I can think about right now. I don't know why, I just have a really good feeling. I've had good feelings in the past, but this is a really strong good feeling. To the point that I want to test. At 9dpo.

I can't think of anything else. I'm just staring at the clock waiting for noon to come around. I plan to buy a test during my break this afternoon to use at 4pm. I'm so early, it's really unlikely I'd get a positive. But my chart is starting to go triphasic. Which it's never done.

Oh me, oh my. This has been a long 2ww. I thought I was 8 days further than I am until two days ago. I am now 17 days into what I thought was my 2ww, so not testing at this point is HARD.

I'm losing my mind. Completely and totally losing it.